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Tuesday, December 26, 2023

Decemystery (2022.3) 26: The Crimean Slug


In my life, I’ve seen only one or two slugs; I believe I was 9 or 10 years old at the time. The poor fellas had salt poured on them by the kids I called my friends. Their reason for doing this was “it made them look like scrambled eggs.” You know, in hindsight, this behavior really explains why they are the way they are today.

Lucky for me, I did not end up like them. Unlucky for me, I’m here to talk to you about not one but two stories related to slugs. You see, I don’t like slugs. In fact, I don’t like anything that’s small and crawls on the ground. They all scare and gross me out. That’s why today, I’m going to be telling you the story of larger-than-normal slugs, starting with The Crimean Slug. Just saying: the fact they’re larger actually makes this considerably worse.

An Eastern European Horror

I found today’s story on the It’s Something Wiki, though it’s been posted on the ObscUrban Legend Wiki and Phantoms and Monsters. However, the original source is an article from Krymskaya Pravda, which is a newspaper from Ukraine. Though I digress, let’s dive into the story.

Our story takes place on November 18, 1998, in Dalekoye, Crimea, which was at the time a part of Ukraine but is now a part of Russia. I love geopolitics as much as I love slugs, but due to this having occurred in 1998, I’ve tagged this story as having taken place in Ukraine.

Anyways, on this November morning, four boys from “the local elementary school”—Eldar Islamov, Anton Kireichev, Server Devlyatov, and Alyesha Alyabyev—had to use the bathroom. A brief digression: Google Documents keeps telling me to change “Devlyatov” to “Devyatov.” I’m keeping it as the former, as that’s what every source says Server’s surname was. However, if you know why I keep getting told to change the spelling, please let me know.

Getting back on track: While en route to the bathroom, the boys “heard a strange, guttural sound” emanate from behind them. Curious, they turned around to see what it was.

What the four boys saw was not a slug. Rather, it was a humanoid entity that stood 1.7 meters (5.5 feet). For the remainder of this thing’s description, I’m going to let what I believe to be the original news article do the talking because, woo boy. This creature sounds like something out of a horror movie.

The alien had a large head, not in proportion to its body, two huge red eyes and a square flat body. Its long arms touched the ground and ended in three clawed black fingers. The legs of the entity were black and straight. The rest of its body was semi-transparent, smoke in color. The boys noticed neither hair, nor mouth, ears nor nose.

Nice to see Kevin Smith got around to making a sequel to Tusk.

Understandably, the four boys were petrified at the sight of this thing—which they later dubbed “The Slug.” Personally, I would have named it “God’s Mistake.” Tell me what you would have named it in the comments!

Anywhoozle, regardless of my own thoughts on its name, it approached the boys, eventually settling on one of them. Which of the four was picked isn’t specified, but it placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder; the boy would later say he “felt neither heaviness nor pain.” Even stranger, his skin would turn red where the thing had laid its hand, but he felt pain nor a burning sensation. I’m not sure how long this redness lasted, but it presumably went away at some point. If it didn’t, then that must make for one helluva party story.

Knowing that you shouldn’t let strangers put their hand on you, the boy tried to push it away. Whether he managed to push the thing off isn’t made clear, but during this altercation, the group noticed the alien-slug-thing had some kind of device with a button on its elbow. For whatever reason, it pressed it, and it was “sucked through the wall of the school building.” I guess this high-tech alien gadget turns the nearest structure into a Hoover vacuum. Good to know aliens haven’t made their gizmos foolproof!

Although it was absorbed by the wall of the school, the alien-slug-thing’s red eyes were still visible through it. For how long isn’t stated, but I must admit that it’s an unsettling image to imagine. Eventually, it disappeared entirely, and the boys ran back to their classroom, screaming.

Unfortunately for their teacher, the boys were inconsolable; one of them stuttered uncontrollably. Presumably, that one attempted to explain what had happened. Though I’m admittedly projecting, given my own issues with speaking. So, let us continue.

From that day onward, the four boys “feared going to the toilet alone” lest they encounter the horror they knew as “The Slug.” Lucky for them, that was the one and only sighting of that freakish being.

However, there is one last thing of note. Supposedly, there was a rash of UFO sightings “reported around the area in 1998.” Unfortunately, none are mentioned in any of the sources I mentioned at the start.

Alas, that is where the story of The Crimean Slug comes to a close. Writing about this was felt; it’s short, and I had a hard time trying to make it feel fun. I blame that on how little substance there is. Still, in spite of that, there are some theories, and so that’ll more than makeup for it. So come along, let’s not be sluggish in getting to ‘em!


1. An alien

Let’s start off with the most obvious theory, that this was an extraterrestrial. I don’t think there’s any feasible way to think of this thing as anything other than this—and I mean that solely based on its appearance. It doesn’t sound like anything other than an alien; no animal on Earth looks quite as appalling as this thing. Well, outside of centipedes 

Alien visitation to Earth is a controversial topic. I have friends who believe in aliens who think it’s absolutely ridiculous that they’ve come to Earth; their reasoning is that they have absolutely no reason to do so. At the same time, I have friends who think the exact opposite; they believe that aliens have come to Earth, with some believing that they assisted us in advancing.

Honestly, I think both sides have some interesting arguments. However, in the case of this story, the circumstances surrounding it are absolutely goofy. This sounds like someone who went on a wildlife tour, tried to pet an animal, and got the reaction they didn’t desire. Humiliated—or perhaps scared—they left partway through their vacation.

Seriously, that’s what this sounds like; an alien tried to pet a wild animal (in this case, a young human), and when that didn’t go as planned, they realized they screwed up. I have to imagine this dingbat went to whatever the extraterrestrial equivalent of Starbucks is afterward to calm down. I guarantee you: this goofy dingus is the reason they have “Don’t Pet the Humans” signs in outer space.

Of course, there is no concrete way to prove this. Yes, there was that red mark on one of the children, but I couldn’t find anything about that. So whatever the case was with that mark, it doesn’t appear it was anything special. On top of that, it doesn’t appear the alien left any footprints or drag marks (since its arms stretched down to the ground). Though it’s possible nobody checked for either of these, it’s a shame if that’s the case. Oh well, onto the next theory!

2. The kids made it up

I’ve said this before: children can be absolute demons, but that’s to be expected. They’re kids; they get into mischief and will look for ways out of getting into trouble. I’d argue it’s possible the four made this up to get out of trouble for some reason, but their apparent fear sounds too genuine. Unless they were genuinely afraid of getting into trouble. Though for what reason, I have no idea. Still, I felt this was worth mentioning.

3. A case of misidentification

Children can be demons, but they can also be extremely dumb. I speak from experience since I was at one point a child. I remember when I thought I knew everything when I was 10. Nowadays, I believe I know practically nothing about anything outside of losing at Chess.

While the ages of the four boys aren’t given, I’d argue that doesn’t matter that much. If a wild animal approaches you after making some weird sound, I’d say there’s a good chance you’re going to freak out. That’s the idea behind this theory: the boys encountered an animal—likely one with some disease or that was wounded—or got scared out of their minds.

I believe this theory can explain a lot of supposed alien sightings. However, there’s one issue here—and it’s a really big issue. This thing doesn’t sound like any animal I’ve ever heard of. Honestly, I’m trying to think of an animal that fits it, and I’m drawing a blank. Though admittedly, I don’t know the wildlife in Crimea, so that’s not a shock.

My one guess is that it may have been an escaped primate; I know that they sometimes drag their arms. However, I do question why it didn’t attack them when they ran off. Unless it got scared since it was in unfamiliar territory, or maybe they got incredibly lucky. On the flip side, the lack of a mouth, nose, and hair is a major stroke against this theory. Though I’m willing to chalk that up to shock and the unreliable thing known as human memory.

4. A cryptid (this is some next-level cryptiding)

I remember when I wrote that first conspiracy Megalist, there was this entry for “Advanced Cryptozoology.” I still don’t know for certain what that means, but I have to imagine that something like this is involved.

This theory is a lot like the previous one, only instead of a case of misidentification, it was an actual undiscovered species—or some unknown animal. Exactly what on Earth it could be is beyond me, but I hope to never meet it.

5. A demon

I have to say: It’s shocking just how rarely this explanation is used for stories like this. Given how disturbing a lot of these creatures tend to be, you’d think some religious people would put forth the idea that they’re demons—or of some unholy origin. Seriously, reread the description of this creature:

The alien had a large head, not in proportion to its body, two huge red eyes and a square flat body. Its long arms touched the ground and ended in three clawed black fingers. The legs of the entity were black and straight. The rest of its body was semi-transparent, smoke in color. The boys noticed neither hair, nor mouth, ears nor nose.

I think I fought this thing in Diablo IV! I swear, it was a boss in one of the acts.

Okay, let me be fair here: I know that not everyone is religious. Heck, I know that not every belief system operates the same when it comes to evil spirits—or negative energy, or anything of that nature. So, I can’t pin the blame on others for this not being a theory. Honestly, I’m doing this goofiness solely for fun, nothing more, nothing less.

That said, it does genuinely shock me that things like this don’t get called demonic-looking. It is definitely something I would label as being bad news.

Though anyways, let me get to the theory. There is a theory—admittedly one that isn’t widely accepted—that some spirits take on the guise of animals when in the world of the living. This has been used to explain the legend of things like Black Shuck and other supposed “Hellhounds.” Demons on Earth take the form of something to get close to humans.

That, on its own, is quite interesting, but this obviously has one flaw. The Crimean Slug looks like something you’d run away from if you so much as saw a tenth of its foot. Though, hey, maybe the demon dropped its facade. I’m not a demonologist, so I can’t say with any level of certainty. All I know is that if I ever saw it, I’d shoot it with a super soaker filled with holy water.

6. A being from another reality

I figured I should spice this theory up since saying “an interdimensional being” was getting a bit stale. Don’t worry; it’ll be back to the way it was the next time it’s proposed.

Okay, all jokes about how common this theory has been this month; I’ve got to be honest when I say that this is far from the most egregious use of it. The idea here is simple: a traveler from another reality (or dimension, pick whichever word you desire) came over to ours for a visit. When the kids panicked because this fellow had a look only a mother could love, it got the heck out of Dodge by using its interdimensional traveling suit.

I feel the need to get into the specifics isn’t necessary—not this time. It’s a case of (interdimensional) tourism gone horribly awry; nothing more, nothing less. The only thing I could add is that your mileage will vary; if you don’t believe there are realities out there, then you probably want to beat the crap out of me for using this theory so much this month. To that, I say: I intend on running this so far into the ground we’re gonna end up in another dimension come December 31!

7. A prankster

I’m including this theory as I think it is somewhat plausible. There isn’t much to it; a creep who was waiting near a school in a costume wanted to scare some kids. Given the incredibly depraved things people have been known to do near schools, this wouldn’t shock me in the slightest. The only issue is the whole “being sucked into the walls of the school.” Though that could have been a product of a traumatized child’s mind, the reality is that the person ran off.

8. It was an escapee from the Chernobyl Exclusion Zone

Someone get a S.T.A.L.K.E.R. fan to solve this.

My Take

This is a story where I have two takes; I know that may seem like cheating, but hear me out. Given the lack of information on this story, I didn’t want to outright dismiss it or blindly trust everything I read. That’s something I see some folks do when they read about mysteries—be they Fortean in nature or unsolved crimes. Heck, I’m guilty of it; I won’t try to put myself on some sort of pedestal. I’m prone to blindly jumping to conclusions.

As such, I wanted to view this story through two lenses. That of a believer and that of a skeptic. So, let’s start with the former since it’s far easier. It’s also the longer of the two since I’ve got a bit more to talk about (and explain).

Should this story be genuine and this is not in any way, shape, or form exaggerated, then I’d say that it was an alien. I’m an ardent believer in extraterrestrials. While I’m a bit iffy on whether or not aliens visit Earth, the UFO sightings in the vicinity are what does it for me. If—and I mean if—there’s a sighting of an extraterrestrial, then the one thing I always wonder is if there were UFO reports nearby. Unless aliens are taking Stargates or using jetpacks to get here, I doubt they just popped up like they loaded an old save file.

With the UFO sightings, though, I can at least come to the conclusion that some species of aliens wanted to do some sort of research. Unfortunately, they were too ugly, and things went south due to their hideousness. It isn’t always what’s on the inside that matters most. When you look like The Crimean Slug, you’re gonna get judged solely based on your looks.

But, yeah, that’s my first take; now for the second one. This is significantly harder because I have no real idea how I’d rationalize this unless it was all fabricated. If it was, then I have absolutely no idea why. It’s possible it was a prank, but I have no idea why unless the boys made it up to explain why one of them had a mark on him. If that’s the case, then they got insanely lucky that their teacher presumably believed them.

The only thing I can guess is it was a case of misidentification; the boys were so terrified of some disfigured—or gravely ill—animal that wandered over and approached them. Alternatively, it could have been an escaped primate. Either way, the part about being sucked into the walls kind of bothers me. While I know I mentioned the faultiness of human memory, it’s one of those details that’s a thorn in my side.

If that wasn’t the case, I could see it being some sort of incredibly bizarre and disturbing prank. I wouldn’t put it past some screwed-up creep to do something like this for their own disgusting pleasures. This theory would also help to explain the lack of facial features.

Ultimately, though, I honestly lean towards this thing being an alien. It’s one of those stories that has too many things about it that stop me from rationalizing it. Though, it is possible the entire thing was made up for the news. That wouldn’t shock me in the slightest. If you know this to be the case, do let me know! Until then, I’m gonna say it was aliens. Yay, I can finally say it was aliens for once!


It isn’t every day that I can say that I actually say that I believe aliens to be behind a mystery I covered, so this is going to be one I remember fondly. It was a great deal of fun to write; that’s becoming increasingly common as I get back into the swing of writing, though.

Anyway, until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and thank you for reading!

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