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Saturday, October 31, 2020

Mystery: La Llorona


This story is dedicated to my dear friend Fatima. Thanks for being who you are; I hope to remain your friend for as long as God permits it.

Witches cackle, spectres sneak by you in the dead of night, the Headless Horseman lets loose a maniacal laugh, and the dead rise from their grave to dance beneath the Moon’s pale light. It’s that time of the year again: Halloween.

On this special night, we find ourselves snuggled up inside thanks to a terrifying pandemic—though I’m sure some of the ballsier folks are out trick-or-treating. If you are, do stay safe and make sure to social distance by at least six ghouls. For the rest of us, let’s flick the lights off and sit in a circle as we go over some ideas I had in mind before getting to the main story itself.

The first story I had in mind was that of the Zodiac killer. I found myself unwilling to dedicate that much time to covering him just yet. It also didn’t help that my friend Jif ended up covering him for his YouTube channel—the Debunk File—so I instead opted to cover Jack the Ripper. I’m quite proud of the end result actually, so go check it out. Mine that is. You can check out Jif’s video later.

The next story I had was the Butcher of Mons, another serial killer who lives up to his name. He dismembered his victims with terrifying skill. This story was the one that fit the idea of Halloween the best and it was one that I was eager to cover. Heck, it was once on the shortlist for this year’s Decemystery. However, thanks to the story being a bit on the complex side—along with me having covered a serial killer last year for Halloween—I opted to put it off until sometime next year. Well, at least I hope to cover it next year. Don’t hold me to that, you and I both know how awful I am with schedules.

The second idea I had was one of my personal favorites: Programmed to Kill. A conspiracy theory centering on the idea that the CIA and other Deep State ghouls “program” serial killers to, well, kill, this theory has been on my to-do list for a long time now and I simply haven’t had the time to go through all 300+ episodes of the YouTube series. I hope to get to it before 2023 though (yes, I like to look ahead in the way of what I want to write about—fight me). If I don’t get to it by then, you can rightfully scold me.

The third and final idea was that of Die Glocke. Never heard of it? Well, I’ve got three words for you: time traveling Nazis. This story was extremely close to being the Halloween story, but I simply didn’t find it to be all that scary. Sure, Nazis are quite scary, what with their incredible military strength and genocide under their belt. Though the idea of a time traveling device that sent someone back in time to potentially have crashed in Kecksburg, Pennsylvania didn’t exactly scream “Halloween” to me. So I put it off for a short while.

After that, I was left adrift without a story for Halloween. I contemplated covering the Hinterkaifeck Murders, but ultimately found myself unmotivated to tackle something so morbid—not to mention something where the information felt very muddled beneath legends, rumors, and hearsay. I also had the idea for the Villisca Axe Murders, but that’s a story I would rather pair with Hinterkaifeck due to their close relation. So yet again, I tossed it aside for sometime in the future. Not long after I did that, I was outright contemplating doing nothing for Halloween other than remaining indoors until the Ghost Adventures Halloween special was ready. Then I realize that was scheduled for October 29th, so I was left defeated by the power of television airdates.

So, after some time of wallowing in self pity, I came up with an idea; one that I got from a little friend of mine had reminded me of a certain legend from Mexico not too long ago. It’s an extremely famous one that found its way into the universe of the incredibly successful Conjuring series. So, for this year’s festive write-up, let us take a look at the infamous La Llorona. If you’re unfamiliar with this tale, you likely know it as the “Weeping Woman”. I think it fits perfectly with the theme and feeling of Halloween. So let’s get paranormal, dear reader, and see if there is any truth to this legendary legend—redundancy be damned.

Monday, October 26, 2020

Conspiracy: The Laptop From Hell

Politics: it’s a minefield where mudslinging is norm and fanaticism is an inevitability for any strongman who wants to boast about how he’ll bring about change. Here in the United States, I ponder how on God’s green Earth we’ve gotten to where we are now. Then I remember that this country was built upon fighting our fellow man and sit back as people outside throw Molotov Cocktails at each other. Good times, good times.

Indeed, in recent times, American politics has become a hotbed for a second civil war. The left-wing (or center-right in the eyes of some) Democratic Party and the right-wing (or far-right in the eyes of those who see Democrats as center-right) Republican Party have been at each other’s throats. Democratic Congressmen such as Adam Bennett Schiff, Nancy Patricia Pelosi (who currently serves as Speaker of the House of Representatives), Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and Ilhan Abdullahi Omar are all seen as demons in the eyes of many conservative Republicans.

On the opposite of the spectrum, Senate Majority Leader Addison Mitchell “Mitch” McConnell, President Donald John Trump, Congressman Devin Gerald Nunes, and Political Commentator Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson are all seen as traitors and general dickheads by the liberal Democrats. Such accusations are also thrown by Republicans towards the Democrats I mentioned above as a side note; nothing is off-limits when it comes to labels hurled against the opposition party. There have been murders, attempted murders, attempted kidnappings, and just about everything else one can imagine that hasn’t escalated into a full-blown days-long gunfight.

Such tension is inevitably going to hit a point when a gunfight like that does break out though—but we aren’t here to speculate on that (though who knows, maybe we will down the line). Politics is, however, the name of the game today and with that, I felt it was necessary to give a background to what sort of chaos we’ll be looking at in this write-up. So what exactly is today’s story? Well, it’s one that’s going to be something much, much different from my usual back of tricks. We’ll be taking a look at an on-going story; one that only recently emerged. It’s a highly controversial—heck, I’d call it volatile—one that’s almost certain to get me a great deal of flak from many people (particularly acquaintances of mine). It's a story known as the laptop from hell, though I’m sure that most Americans will know it as Hunter Biden’s laptop.

Now, before I even get into the story, I want to stress something—and I desperately want you, dear reader, to keep it in mind. Given that this story’s ongoing and still developing, I want you to treat this write-up as nothing more than me conveying what I’ve read and know about the story to you. If you’re a Democrat, this is not going to be a debunking of the story. If you’re a Republican or a Q follower, this isn’t going to be something to fuel your confirmation bias. It’s merely me telling you what I’ve read, what I’ve heard, and what I know. So treat it as a write-up filled with hearsay; it’s built upon the foundation of the rumor mill and nothing more.

On one final note: I’d like to address why I want to cover this. Simply put: the United States’ 2020 Federal Election is next Tuesday, and I think that it’d be fascinating to take a look at how this cycle has culminated in what’s arguably one of the wildest stories I’ve ever read in my 24 years on this planet. So come along, dear reader. We’re going to take a look at what some claim is one of the biggest political scandals in American history.

Wednesday, October 21, 2020

Conspiracy: Hollywood Anon


Under any normal circumstances, I would begin this introduction with a very light-hearted, tongue-in-cheek “hi, dear reader” style. Though in the case of this story, I feel hesitant to because the content of it is pretty grim and honestly makes me squirm a bit. Because of that, I feel like I should place another content warning here: if you’re easily upset by stories of children being harmed in any way. Unlike last time however, I opted to censor the homophobic/racial slurs so Google doesn’t remove me from its indexing. Anyways, if children being harmed isn't your idea of an interesting read, you may want to scroll up/down and read anything that isn’t this story. Well, maybe not the Snuff Films write-up I did last year. That would be even worse. Anyways, let’s move onward.

Hollywood: a land of creativity, conspiracy, lust, drugs, liquor, has-beens, and just about every other thing you can imagine that isn’t related to decent morals. It’s a questionable place, but it’s led to some of the greatest artistic achievements this side of the Milky Way (I’m sure that out there, an alien race has created the greatest film about anal probing ever).

Until we find that alien race, we’re stuck with the creative masterpieces like Jaws, The Neverending Story, and other movies that I don’t care to remember at about ten at night. Deal with it, I’m not going to bend to the whim of people who I think read what I write. Anyways, now that I’ve alienated my audience, let’s continue onward.

Given the moral degeneracy that plagues Hollywood, you’re bound to find yourself a plethora of asinine conspiracy theories and propositions by truth seekers who’re hellbent on exposing the pre-conditioned programming of Hollywood. I myself think that tinsel town is guilty of having a serious bias when it comes to its political commentary and while that isn’t inherently bad (writers tend to insert their own views and desires into what they write; if your field of war is dominated by liberals, it’s going to have a liberal bias), it can definitely become overwhelming. It’s because of this that when you see something from Hollywood that’s conservative, it’s quite the standout piece.

So what does this have to do with today’s write-up? Well, we’re going to be focusing on a supposed Hollywood actor—or at least a former big named one—who appeared on 4Chan to reveal some of the shady, disgusting, heinous secrets that plague the land where magic appears on a giant screen. The other day, we talked about the fellow known as FBI Anon. Today, we shall talk about Hollywood Anon. Yet another famous 4Chan poster, this story will take us deep into the belly of the beast; Hollywood degeneracy at its finest. So come along, dear reader, let’s go ahead and take a trip to Tinsel Town. Lights, camera, action!

Monday, October 19, 2020

Conspiracy: FBI Anon


A quick warning: there’s some heavy language used in this write-up along with some fairly sensitive topics that are discussed. Though it involves 4Chan, that shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. In spite of that, I figured that it would be better if I just address that so nobody gets butthurt if they were to read this and complain that I didn’t censor any of the naughty words and/or had the audacity to cover it. It’s an election year and the influence that a topic like the one discussed in this write-up has can be fairly significant—especially in the era of the Internet.

Before we begin this story, I would like to take a moment to state that the  blog has been reverted to Blogger’s default coloration. I did this primarily due to how the dreary tone didn’t mesh well with the generally upbeat tone of my writing. There was also how the white text was a pain to read if I wanted to revisit my old stuff to see if I thought it would be worth rewriting.

Now, with that said, I do know that some folks prefer the darker background—especially if you’re reading at night. I agree and I will do what I can to make sure that the best of both worlds is met. As such, I promise that if/when I make my own website that it will have a light mode and dark mode option. Until then, I believe that this blog is more about vibrancy and life; a place where the overwhelming morbid nature of mysteries is counteracted by writing that isn’t overly serious. With that said, let’s get to the story.

The Federal Bureau of Investigation—or simply FBI—is a contentious entity in the United States. The center of a great many memes, their work is admirable and has helped to make the world a safer place, but in the past has led to several controversies thanks to less-than savory Directors. Alas, the Bureau has marched on and become a symbol of protection—and evil.

Indeed, there is a fair bit of division in the public eye when it comes to the Bureau. While the majority of Americans trust them, their figureheads have historically been divisive. The current Director, Chris Wray, is well liked by some and seen as spineless by others. His predecessor, James Comey, was seen that way too. Prior to him, Robert Mueller (who served as the Special Council head in the Russian interference fiasco) was also divisive. Heck, almost every FBI Director has been divisive.

The only ones who haven’t been are J. Edgar Hoover, William Sessions, and Louis Freeh. The reason? They were widely reviled by nearly everyone. Hoover is seen as one of the worst leaders of anything in American history, Sessions utilized government funding to lavish himself, and Freeh was a clown masquerading as J. Edgar Hoover.

Now, does any of this inherently mean the Bureau is evil? I wouldn’t say so. Each Special Agent is, at their heart, human. They’re subject to their own flaws and I would guess that they mean well in their intentions. Though of course, those they follow are subject to extreme scrutiny. That’s why with today’s story, the figurehead will play a very, very vital role—in this case, James Comey.

You see, back in the wonderful year of 2016, there was a fellow who’s become known as FBI Anon. He posted a great many things on 4Chan’s controversial /pol/ board that made a lot of users raise their eyebrows in surprise. Though was any of it true? Well, let’s see if we can find out.

Sunday, October 11, 2020

Conspiracy: Real Humans Died Out Millennia Ago


How goes it, oh dear reader? For me: it goes swimmingly. The weather’s gotten so much cooler, the autumn breeze feels like paradise on Earth, and most of all: I’m writing! I’ve also been cited on Reddit and /pol/, so that’s really cool too.

Speaking of Reddit, I was snooping around on the thread where someone had linked my 2006 Volleyball Incident write-up (which remains my most popular one to date and it makes me so glad to know that I wrote something of merit). It was on this post that I shamelessly advertised myself and acted like a hotshot for about 3 seconds in real life that I decided to find some material to write about.

Scrolling through the post, there were a lot of great ideas. Sentient soy (soyface.jpg anyone?), The Simpsons is real footage, pancreas denial (I can hear a good friend of mine ripping his hair out and flying to the United States to kick me in the stomach until my esophagus is ejected from my back), and God’s Last Wish were but three that I floated around. Alas, they weren’t chosen as I have absolutely no desire to cover them. Well, maybe I’ll cover the one on The Simpsons sometime soon.

After this, I gave up for a few and stared at the ceiling reconsidering my life choices. I wondered why I bothered writing and suffered from a melodramatic episode where I angrily punched the wall and broke my knuckles. Okay, all of that is a lie, I scrolled up to the top of the page and looked at the top comment. It was asking what exactly real humans died out millennia ago was about. Such a notion like that is ripe for creative fiction and for speculation. So today, let’s go over it. This is in no ways pandering to the entire post in hopes that I garner more of a following. No, really, it isn’t. I’m just bored and want to cover something silly. So come along, dear reader! Let’s cover this weird theory and see if reality is weirder than we think it is.

Friday, October 9, 2020

Mystery: The Flannan Isles Lighthouse


This story is dedicated to my friend Jif. Thank you for being so supportive.

Lighthouses: they can tell you a thousand stories from the outside. Within their interiors, the number increases a thousandfold. They’re simplistic demeanor and lonesome, desolate atmosphere is a brilliant masquerade put on by the even more simplistic architectural structure. In simpler terms: lighthouses are unique. For something that ends up being a home for a man to help bring seafaring men and women back to shore, they end up telling you more stories than a war veteran can. Whether that be due to the isolatory nature (which is a case of depression waiting to happen) of them or because of sick sailors arriving back at shore to seek treatment.

Lighthouses also typically become secondary homes for their keepers; this in turn leads to them becoming haunted beyond belief. Big Bay Lighthouse and St. Augustine’s Lighthouse are two that come to mind when one thinks of a haunted cigarette-building (at least here in the United States). Though the haunted variety of these buildings will have to wait until December. For now, I want to shift the focus onto something a lot more unique.

As stated earlier: lighthouses are a case of depression waiting to happen and this is by no means hyperbole. They are, through and through, something that can drive a man insane. You needn’t look further than watching 2019’s The Lighthouse to feel like you’re going mad—especially if you thought that Robert “Battinson” Pattinson couldn’t act. Though really, can you blame anyone? Isolation from human contact—or being stuck in a building with other people you loathe—is bound to drive someone to lose their mind. So what do you do? Well, some may say you’d kill the people you don’t like, throw them to the waves, and then pretend that they “fell into the ocean”. Others may suggest you quit. Then some may say you jump into the ocean and become an ocean man.

Unlike most other times on this blog, that question is not something I will discard because it serves as a segway into another topic entirely. Rather, that question is part of today’s story through and through. The Flannan Isles Lighthouse is notorious for a great many reasons. Known as the location where three lighthouse keepers vanished, this guiding light for many a sailor was the inspiration for the aforementioned film The Lighthouse and conjures numerous images of lonesomeness and silence. So let us take a trip to over a century ago and seek out the truth to one of the world’s most maddening unsolved disappearance cases.

Monday, October 5, 2020

What Could Have Been: Dead Island 2 (Rewrite)


When I look back on the work I did from last year—specifically early last year—I often wince. Stylistically, it feels way too self-serious and lacks the spark that I think my current work has. Heck, even stuff from early this year feels like it doesn’t have the seem pizazz that I think my most recent work has. As such, I’ve really wanted to take time to slowly rewrite some of the pieces that I’m passionate about or that hold a special place in my heart.

Now, while I won’t devote, say, a week or something to rewriting piece after piece, I want to take a bit of time to rewrite another one as the game in question holds a special place in my heart as the original is a low-key favorite of mine. That and something happened back in June of this year that I think is worth mentioning. As such, today, I want to go back and rewrite the piece I did on the still unreleased video game Dead Island 2. So, with the sun shining, the warm California breeze in our hair, and with the growling of zombies filling the air, let’s dive headfirst into the apocalypse!

Thursday, October 1, 2020

Mystery: Wendigo

Good morning, dear reader. At least, it’s morning as of the time of this posting. Let’s take a trip into the woods together. It’s a terrifying place full of mystery; a desolate land where one can become attuned to nature. However, it’s also a land of danger. Wild animals reside here and while most are docile, this is their home and should you get too close to, say, a mama bear and her cub, you can find yourself ending up like the Grizzly Man.

Today’s story is going to be a rather short, brisk one. After the monstrously lengthy tale of Jack the Ripper, I want to take a moment to sit back, relax, and channel our inner demon[s] into a story. I wish for you to do just this; look inside of yourself. Unleash all of the anger and wrath inside of you. Now go clean up the mess you made; your home is a wreck.

All done? Good, now that you have manifested a Wendigo, start running. That thing’s going to eat you, your family, your puppy, and your neighbors. Seriously, run. It’s right behind you and it smells of blood and copper.