Decemystery (2021) 7: The Jetpack Men of Kazakhstan and Los Angeles

Jetpacks are really fun to think about. You strap ‘em on and with the press of a button, you can take off into the sky and fly around. It’s almost like you’ve got wings, except you need not flap them to keep soaring. Nay, you just hold that button down and rise up. Finally, short people can reach the top shelf at the local Wal-Mart!

In real life, jetpacks do exist, but their usage is rather limited and as far as I’m aware, they aren’t something you can easily purchase. A quick Google search yields that a JB10 Jetpack, made by the Jetpack Aviation Company, costs a staggering $290,000 over here in the United States. Meanwhile, their JB11 Jetpack has a starting price of #340,000. So I guess if you’re filthy rich, you could buy one, but I doubt it’ll come in much use in your day-to-day life.

With that said, jetpacks would have quite a bit of use in the military and certain other fields. After all, having an aerial advantage over your land-restricted enemy would be amazing. Though again, I don’t believe there’s ever been a scenario where a jetpack unit has been deployed into a warzone. Hopefully one day, I can hear about how Delta Force defeated some bad guys while dabbing through the air.

I digress; let’s get to the point. While jetpacks are a reality, but not to the full extent that your favorite piece of entertainment media may showcase, there have been some weird encounters with folks using jetpacks. In fact, there are two stories from two areas—at two separate times in history—involving “Jetpack Men”. So come along, let’s talk about the Jetpack Men of Kazakhstan and Los Angeles.

Decemystery (2021) 6: The Clown in the Woods

Today’s story was one which I really hadn’t planned on doing. You see, unlike the past three years, I wrote this Decemystery completely out of order; I just went with whatever I wanted, picked a date in December, and slapped decided that that was when that story would be posted. So when I got around to this story, it was towards the end of November. Nothing really special there, except for one little thing: the website Snopes had recently done an article on this picture. So I wasn’t entirely sure if I should cover it since, well, I didn’t want to seem like I was hopping on some sort of bandwagon.

Though the more I read over the articles Snopes had done, the more it became apparent that their piece on the topic was very inconclusive. There were a lot of lingering questions on my mind and I decided that I would look into the story for myself. To my surprise, there were some things that they omitted that no other website had talked about. That’s because nearly every other website that had an article on today’s story—which is typically referred to as The Clown in the Woods—didn’t add anything new. Instead, they simply copied and pasted the Snopes article and posted it.

Because of this, I decided that I’d take it upon myself to do some snooping around to see if I could come to any definitive conclusion. Yeah, that’s kind of arrogant of me given that I’m anything but a good researcher—let alone a detective—but I thought that this story could use a more analytical look (especially since it seems that there’s never been anything of that sort done outside of, well, Snopes). So come along, dear reader, it’s time we put on our Sherlock Holmes cap and get to work. This is the story that I like to call “The Clown Who Was Clowning Around in the Woods”.

Decemystery (2021) 5: The Disappearance of Ellen Patricia Bresch

 

Ah, true crime. It’s my favorite thing—at least next to consuming product and getting excited for next products. It’s a really fascinating world to dive into, especially when you find something really obscure. Coincidentally, that’s exactly what today’s story is: something obscure and, as far as I can tell, not really talked about anywhere big. It’s about a woman named Ellen Patricia Bresch. A seemingly ordinary woman who made one really unordinary move prior to disappearing. So come along, dear reader, it’s time for us to take a trip to Kentucky and see what happened on one fateful night.

Decemystery (2021) 4: The Spectral Moose of Maine

 

Welcome back to my blog! Today, we’re taking a trip to Maine, the home state of United States Senator Susan Collins and horror icon Stephen King. Fun fact: they live on the same street and, amusingly, King absolutely loathes Collins. Now that that fun fact is out of the way, let’s just get straight to the point.

Two years ago, I covered the story of the “Ghost Mammoth”. Last year, I had thought about covering another ghostly animal, but real life hindered that. This year, however, I shall redeem myself by covering the Spectral Moose of Maine. Also, let’s just pretend that the header image above is of a ghostly moose and not just a regular one. Sorry, I didn’t feel like poaching an image from one of today’s sources. Anywhoozle: let us begin!

Decemystery (2021) 3: Giant Centipedes

 

Eugh, centipedes. I hate these things. Long, quick, and generally looking like the creepy crawly equivalent of Satan’s fingernail, these freaks of nature have an important role to play in the world. In spite of that, I still wish I could snap my fingers and make them disappear, along with every other abomination that crawls on my floors.

I digress though, my opinion on these things doesn’t stop some folks from owning them as pets. Why that is, I don’t know, but who am I to judge? I once wanted a snake as a pet, and my father can’t stand them and has repeatedly threatened to shoot them with his gun. Then again, I’ve threatened to use a knife to slice house centipedes in half, so who am I to judge… again.

Ahem, anyways, the point of this is I don’t like centipedes. At the same time though, I love the stories of giant centipedes. This is mostly because I love to scare the ever loving piss out of my friends, so when I send them this write-up, I hope you all don’t hold a grudge against me. If you do, please notify me on Discord.

As for the rest of you, please scold me in the comments section; now, let’s get on with the show!

Decemystery (2021) 2: One-Eyed Jack

Okay, so, funny story about today’s, well, story. It was an unidentified person; I had originally had it written, completed, and ready to be posted. However, as the day drew closer, I began to dislike it more and more. The writing was rushed, it glossed over so many details, and I felt it was rather crude at times. I made a lot of stupid remarks that really made it feel like I didn’t care about what I was writing.

Though that’s probably because I was desperate to write. I wrote most of it when I was on medication that had made it an absolute nightmare to write and I was accepting literally anything I wrote as worthwhile. So, while we might not be covering the story that was intended, I did find a worthwhile replacement. It’s the story of a man known only as One-Eyed Jack. He too is an unidentified person. So come along, dear reader. We’re off to Alaska.

Decemystery (2021) 1: Tyrannosaurus Rex Sightings in Texas

 

Hello, hello, dear reader. It’s that time of the year again. Presents are being bought for kids, people are shoveling snow, and I am hunkered down in my bedroom writing…

Nah, just kidding. At the time of writing this, it’s August 2nd. My thinking was that if I can get this done early, I would have the month of December to spend with my family and friends since normally, I’m disconnected from them because Decemystery consumes a lot of time and a lot of energy, and I’d like to actually spend the holiday season with them for once. So the early bird gets the worm—the several months early bird anyways. In actuality, I am not in my bedroom, but I am rather decorating a Christmas tree and likely having a grand old time with my family. Hooray for getting things out of the way early!

Anyways, this year’s Decemystery is going to act as something of an apology for last year’s rather lackluster outing. While I’m sure there are some out there who really enjoyed the stories, it wasn’t what I’d hoped for. Unfortunately, a wave of depression overtook me partway through the month and I couldn’t be asked to do the stories I have wanted. This is also admittedly part of why I’m doing this in August; I’m feeling really energized and I want to take advantage of that energy. So this year’s going to be bigger, better, and more awesome than last year. At least, I think so.

My plans are mostly to have stories that’ll stand out and be exceptionally cool. So when picking out the story to kick things off, I wanted something that would truly stand out and be eye-catching; something like Golf Rumors. There were a few ideas that floated through my mind, but the one I went with was one that I think is equal parts absurd and truly fantastical. Down in Texas, the Lone Star State, there are reports of dinosaurs. That, on its own, isn’t exactly something novel; there have been reports of dinosaurs in a great many areas. However, it’s the specific dinosaur that I think makes it worthwhile.

The Tyrannosaurus Rex. The king of all dinosaurs; arguably the most iconic of its kind. Big, brutal, and really dang awesome if you’re like me and you think that dinosaurs are wickedly epic. It was kinda like that thing from that product you really love, only it’s been dead for something like 66,000,000 years, and it would have eaten you.

Kentucky Fried Human anyone?

Anywhoozle, as one may surmise based on the bleedingly obvious title of this write-up, there are Tyrannosaurus Rex sightings in Texas. What is the truth to such an insane claim? Well, let’s find out together; Decemystery 2021 begins with us going dinosaur hunting!