Mystery: The Bloop

The ocean: it makes up most of our planet and is home to a great many fascinating and majestic creatures. Dolphins, sharks, whales, squids, and Jason Mamoa are but a few of the magnificent denizens that lurk in the depths of its comfy, blue surface. It’s below this surface that a great many mysteries lurk: the Mariana Trench Sea Serpent, reports of living plesiosaurs, underwater civilizations, living megalodons, and many other stories come from sailors, fishermen, and average Joes alike. It’s a place of wonder, awe, and fascination. So it should come as no surprise that upwards of 95% of the ocean remains unexplored. 

Despite so much of the ocean not being explored, most of us often look to the stars to colonize Mars and proclaim Elon Musk as our God-Emperor, Indeed, we likely know more about the cosmos than we do about the vast majority of our own planet. Every year, new species of animals are discovered in and out of the ocean, so if you were to ask me: I would say we should start diving down into the depths more often.

As you may have guessed by now: today’s story will do just that, though it holds an “official” explanation. So why cover it? Well, I received this story as a request last year and attempted to write it. Although I was successful, the end result was something I was very disappointed with; it was like a half-baked Wikipedia article. So I deleted it and decided to focus my efforts elsewhere (I believe I went on to write about the 3x Killer after scrapping it).

From there, I let the idea collect dust until now, a little under one year later. I’m feeling a lot more motivated and want to take a shot at what’s known as the Bloop once more. So from hell’s heart I shall stab at thee! Let us dive into the ocean and see what the truth is behind this enigmatic sound.

Mystery: The Old Tape

Howdy, dear reader. Tell me: do you listen to the radio? Of course you don’t, we only listen to our own playlists because streaming killed the radiostar. Lucky for us, some people inexplicably still listen to the radio instead of blasting the same song on loop for 3 hours during their daily commute; stuck in traffic again, wagie? Don’t worry, Spotify Premium only costs you half of what gasoline will when you’re home by 6:30 in the evening.

Well, that’s not on topic, now is it? I dare say it is, bros. You see, today, we’re headed to my home state: New York—also known as the Big Apple and the Empire State. When I think New York, I think of using up gas because of traffic. Funny joke, but let’s talk about New York for a moment. It’s home to Wall Street, Manhattan, and the most Presidents in United States history as of the time of this writing (Martin van Buren, Millard Fillmore, Theodore Roosevelt, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and the current President: Donald J. Trump). Really interesting when you think about it; also, be sure to vote come November if you’re an American citizen so you can pretend that your vote matters if you don’t live in a swing state.

Ah, but where was I? Oh right, New York. This state is a cesspool, but that’s besides the point. When it comes to mysteries however, it’s got some interesting stuff under its belt. The 3X Killer, the 2008 Time Square Bombing, and the cost of living being feasible to anyone without the surname of Rockefeller are but three of the dozens of stories I could tell from the Corona Capital of the Planet (or CCP as I call it). We aren’t going to be covering any of those stories—though the bombing is one my immediate to-do list. Nay, we’re here to talk, well, radio! I said that two paragraphs ago, no?

Radio, although it may seem archaic to anyone who isn’t at least 20, was the way I listened to music before I had those new fangled smartphones. It was also how some folks would screw around; calling into radio stations to say stupid things before hanging up and leaving the host wondering why they didn’t take up a job on CNN. Today’s story is sort of like that, except it takes place in relationship to a college—or those places that leave you in debt until you’re letting your parents down one last time since you didn’t get a six-figure job.

Let’s finally get this introduction on track though. My insane, giddy rambling aside, today’s story brings us to New York; a radio station named WKCR. Those familiar with what I would call “creepy media” will likely recognize that name. It’s a station licensed by Columbia University. Back in 1995, a weird interruption took place. Nowadays, it’s known as the Old Tape or the WKCR Radio Interruption. I’ve been meaning to cover it for a few months now, but have had quite a bit of trouble making the story work. Though today, I will make it work.

With that said: I would just like to note that if this tape is old, then I’m very scared because I wonder how soon I’ll be thrown into the old folks home; also, someone please call the Military, I think my parents are zombies and World War Z is about to become a documentary.

Ah, this is going to be an energetic write-up. How I’ve missed this type of happiness in my life!

What Could Have Been: World of Warcraft: Warlords of Draenor (Rewrite)

Today, we’ll be doing something unique. For a long while, I’ve wanted to rewrite one of my write-ups, though never have I had the adequate time to do so. Recently however, I began to write a megalist of unmade and canceled movies and video games. However, I’ve had to delay it as I recently got a puppy and he has been a handful. There was one entry that I did write that I found to be exceptional though and I didn’t want it to collect dust as I did much smaller projects in my free time. What those smaller projects are: I honestly don’t know. I want to post a mystery or two this month, but it remains to be seen on whether or not I can muster the energy (let alone find the time) to craft something of merit.

Now, before we begin, I want to make note of something. I didn’t change anything in the way of what’s been written and as such, there’s likely a few typos and references to the aforementioned megalist itself. So I do apologize on that front.

So with all of that out of the way, and without further ado: enjoy this rewrite of last year’s What Could Have Been on Warlords of Draenor.

Mystery: Jeffrey Epstein Created Fortnite

Let’s play a silly game, dear reader. Let’s take a trip to the video game store—I would say Gamestop, but those aren’t high quality enough. So we’ll go to “Game Store” and pretend that it’s a place where you can play Dungeons & Dragons, collect Funko Pops (those creepy things with big heads), and post clown memes without the risk of being publicly shamed. It’s a great place, but it’s even better when you realize you can have get-togethers with people from all around your town/city. You can play games locally; couch-style co-op and what have you. All in the safe, comfy location that is Game Store.

However, there’s one thing that sticks out. In a secluded room, there are the sounds of younger folks; children. They’re screaming, laughing, and calling each other vulgar names that would get me unindexed faster than you could say “Vert, please post more often.”. Or heck, just say the first word. Anyways, you peer into this room and see cheetos, piss stains on a toilet, and it smells of things that would get me unindexed yet again. It reminds you of when you were 10-years-old and lived with your parents. Now you’re 25-years-old and live with your parents, but you wear a mask because of a novel virus and insist on playing Dungeons & Dragons; your mage that has PTSD will someday get that legendary staff from the warlock!

Anyways, there are numerous Xbox Ones, PS4s, and PCs. In the distant corner, you see a broken Nintendo Switch because apparently, kids these days don’t enjoy Nintendo consoles. Against your better judgement, you enter and are immediately swarmed by kids asking you to play one game: Fortnite.

Indeed, today’s story centers on Fork Knife (better known as Fortnite to anyone who isn’t me and isn’t amused like a little child at insipid things). That global phenomenon that was made by Epic Games (which is totes bad because China). Every Twitch streamer has played it; heck, everyone who isn’t me has played it. It’s a Battle Royale game that’s wildly popular and I don’t really get the appeal. However, I’m not a big fan of PvP games. A lot of others are though and to that I say: good on them. I hope they keep having fun.

Alas, today’s story features another icon: Jeffrey Edward Epstein. The man who ran a global child sex trafficking ring. A truly vile, reprehensible figure, Epstein’s name is one that will earn looks of disgust to anyone familiar with him who has an iota of a soul. Though if you pair the two together, a conundrum appears. How on Earth could these two things go together? Well, that’s where the story begins. Let’s ask ourselves one very simple, peculiar question: did Jeffrey Epstein create Fortnite?

Mystery: Now They Hear It All The Time

The realm of Reddit is one that I’m highly hesitant to ever go near when it comes to content. While some may see it as more reputable than, say, 4chan, I think that Reddit’s voting system causes it to create not only a hivemind, but a sense of believability that can be passed along to the average user. This, in turn, can create the aforementioned hivemind. With a website like 4chan: there may be a hivemind at work on some boards, but it’s at least transparent about being one. Reddit isn’t that way, but that could just be my experience with the site.

In spite of that, there are times when Reddit provides me with something that’s a bit too good to pass up. In this case though, I didn’t find it myself. Rather, I found it from the fandom site “Paranormal World”. I went to this site when I covered the Nickelodeon Killer back in May and I made it clear (or at least I hope I did) that I didn’t want to seem like I was poaching content from the site. The person who operates the site deserves every bit of credit for finding these stories; I think that the stories they’ve covered are extremely fascinating (if a bit on the hard to believe side). Today, I want to make a journey back there because this one in particular really caught my attention as being something exceptionally interesting.

The story in question is about a mysterious PSA that a few Reddit users recalled seeing, but have never been able to find anything regarding its existence. That, on its own, is worth a write-up. Missing/lost media is something I’m really into, though I seldom cover it on its blog as it requires a fair bit more work, though I intend on covering it a little bit more as the year goes on—though I hope to have something like that posted this month.

Moving on though: it’s worth mentioning that this story, aside from just being something related to lost media, also reads a lot like a horror story. That, to me, is usually indicative of a creepypasta and given that this is related to television, one’s mind would drift into the realm of, say, Candle Cove, The Wyoming Incident, or Happy Appy. A mysterious piece of television history that hardly anyone remembers, but a few recall it and talk about it online. That screams of the the first and third (Happy Appy’s original story being a direct, shameless ripoff of Candle Cove) with the second being a broadcast intrusion as far as my shoddy memory can be asked to recall. Though I digress; let’s get back on track. We’re here to discuss a PSA and I don’t wish to waste too much time on the intro.

Due to how the story reads like a creepypasta, I was a bit hesitant at first to cover it. However, given it’ll be a bit before I believe I’m truly able to get my life fully back on track, I wanted to take a leap into a sort of “real life” creepypasta. So that brings us to the story at hand. As stated earlier, it takes us back to Paranormal World. It’s here that there is a page entitled Now They Hear It All The Time. I wish to take a look at this story because it’s certainly odd to see a story that screams “creepypasta” that’s treated with genuine sincerity. So let’s see if we can get to the bottom of this peculiar PSA and have a bit of fun with a potential piece of television history.

Mystery: J376

This story is dedicated to my close friend Seriff Pilcrow. While this isn’t everything he likely desired it to be, I nonetheless did my best given the circumstances that have transpired around this one write-up. Thank you for everything, bud. I greatly appreciate your assistance.

This story’s cursed. I swear on a Bible, it’s cursed. Every time I try to write about it, something bad happens. Don’t believe me? Let’s take a look at the track record for it.

September 2019: I suffered a terrible nightmare about my ex-girlfriend that led to me contemplating grabbing my father’s service handgun and shooting myself in the head.

November 2019: A group of friends that I frequently hung out with got into a major argument. I played the mediator for weeks (this began around the time as the event mentioned above too) upon weeks and I finally broke down from the constant fighting and bickering. The two groups fractured and I was forced to abandon my plans for last year’s Decemystery. I ultimately scrapped this story because of how stressed I was; how I managed to not miss a single day of Decemystery 2019 is beyond me, but I consider it an act of God (and my sheer unbridled will to not fall behind on my work, though at what cost, I’ll never know).

January 2020: My acid reflux began to flare up extremely badly and I was forced to take time off; this did ultimately lead to me deciding to make the megalist of 500 conspiracy theories. This is also the only time that anything good came from this nightmarishly awful mystery.

March 2020: I suffered from a severe depressive episode due to my Yellow Lab dying; I scrapped covering it as a surprise for a friend of mine.

May 2020: I ended up having a complete and total mental breakdown in the middle of the month the week I’d begun to work on it once more. I’m still recovering from the breakdown because it was triggered by a year’s worth of pent up emotional distress and anger; the end result was five separate suicide attempts, losing a close group of friends I’d made four months ago, and being diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

July 2020: The day I started to cover this, I nearly had a breakdown due to the regret I’ve experienced due to the above mentioned breakdown. This culminated in a terrifying 3-hour-long mood swing where I became lucid to my desires to slit my wrists with razor blades and repeatedly contemplated other methods to end my life.

Lucky for me: seven is one of my lucky numbers. So on this seventh attempt, we’ll be covering J376.

Mystery: The Crank Incident

I like movies. I like movies a lot. Just ask my friends who never comment on this blog (c’mon guys, at least leave a comment saying “good job, Vert!”) about how much I love them. If there’s one thing I’m silent about, it’s how much I love to read about movies, the troubled production of some movies, and generally about what the latest movie gossip is. It’s fun to talk about them to say the least and as such, today’s story caught my attention. It’s known as the Crank Incident and rather than write a proper introduction, I want to dive right into it. You’ll see why if you click the jump button. Or you can scroll down and read about Five Nights At Freddy’s. That’s cool too.