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Monday, February 14, 2022

Valentine's Day Special: I Love You, COVID-19 (A "Review")

Oh hi there, dear reader. Welcome to my deep cleaned domain—one which has been approved by the CDC, FDA, WHO, and even by Doctor Fauci. As you can tell: this is the yearly Valentine’s Day special. It’s also one which I slapped together because I’m still recovering from having the Coronavirus.


Well, I’ve technically gotten over the bloody thing. However, its lingering effects have caused a great deal of discomfort and frustration for me. Namely, a cough which has made it next to impossible for me to talk to anyone, let alone find solace in existing. Most of my days are spent with me coughing like I’m choking on a vitamin. It’s honestly one of the most unbearable things I’ve had to endure in recent memory.


Anyways, for this Valentine’s Day special, we’ll be reviewing COVID-19 in a completely tongue-in-cheek manner. I say that because I know there is someone out there who will take something entitled I Love You, COVID-19 seriously. So come along, I’m going to spend about 2,000 words being an utter clown talking about my life.


Also, I’ll probably whine about not being able to live my normal life. Anyways, tallyho!

Wednesday, February 2, 2022

When You Go Coughing With Your Best Lung

 

So, I did say last month that I would post something towards the end of the month. I’m sorry I didn’t, but I can explain. Aside from minor mental health problems, I’ve caught COVID. Yeah, I’m late to the party, but it finally got around to infecting me. Not exactly how I’d planned to end the first month of the year, but I guess it is what it is. Though as compensation, I’ll make sure to do a mock review of it once I’m over it!

Thursday, January 6, 2022

Movie Review: Chaos (2005) (NSFL)

 

Before I get started on this review, I want to make two things very clear. The first is that there will be spoilers for the entire movie. So if you, for whatever reason, have the intention of watching Chaos for yourself, do be warned. The second thing is that those spoilers are wildly NSFL, so if you have a weak stomach or simply don’t desire to have your day involve gratuitous violence, gore, torture, and/or rape: you may want to gloss over this review. No, I won’t be making an SFW version of this review because, simply put, that would be a few words long and nothing more. I sadly don’t think that would even be worth posting as a joke either since, well, this movie does have a history with it (to an extent). Anyways: for everyone else, let’s begin the little introduction to this dumpster fire of a movie.


Chaos was a movie that’s been on my radar since I was a young teen. I own a book written by Roger Ebert called Your Movie Sucks. It’s a great book and compiles all of the movies that Ebert truly disliked. In the preface, Ebert makes note of a back-and-forth he got into with this movie’s director, a man by the name of David DeFalco. DeFalco was a wrestler, and why he became a director is beyond me, but that’s besides the point. What is the point is that DeFalco didn’t take kindly to Ebert’s ridiculously scathing review of Chaos. If you want to read about it yourself, just click here to read the section on Wikipedia.


Anyways, it was because of this that I always had a bit of interest in watching this movie. I knew of the really shocking, awful elements involved and as a result: I did admittedly go into this knowing that the movie was going to try to appall me in every possible way it could. Not that I think it matters too much given the post boasts that it is the “most brutal movie ever made”. More on that in a bit because woo boy is that title unearned.


Getting back to the whole “curiosity” aspect: I’d contemplated watching the movie for a few years now. I was going to view it last month, but because of Decemystery 2021, I thought it would be a bad idea to watch a movie when I was in the middle of writing about, well, mysteries. Then, last night, I decided to finally do so; I’d been telling him about how the movie is the second lowest rated film on Metacritic, just narrowly being beaten by Dinesh D’Souza's Death of a Nation, and I contemplated if it was truly worthy of being dethroned by it. As a result, that was finally the kick in the rear I needed to watch it…


Boy, I really wish I hadn’t bothered. This movie is certainly worthy of the notoriety it’s gotten. Though not for every reason it’s earned it. Come along, dear reader/moviegoer, it’s time to talk about David DeFalco’s Chaos.

Tuesday, January 4, 2022

A Kinda-Sorta "Plan" for 2022 (I Make No Promises Edition)

 

Happy new year! I honestly wanted to have this up on New Year’s Day, but I didn’t do it because I was lazy and really wanted some time to just relax because Decemystery 2021 really wore me out. However, I’m only a few days late, so all is well.


Anyways, this isn’t really going to be a “plan” so much as just me talking about stuff I want to do, plus addressing some little things that I hope to also do during the year. So if you’re interested in seeing what that stuff and those things are, click the “read more” button. Otherwise… don’t. Though I will be mentioning when I’ll begin to post content again!