Decemystery (2024) 20: The Hawaiian Chupacabra

 

“Legendary.”

That’s the first word that comes to mind when I think of El Chupacabra. It’s one of the most widely recognizable cryptids on Earth, having achieved the same level of notoriety as some of the biggest names in cryptozoology (like Sasquatch and The Loch Ness Monster).

Despite that level of fame, the Chupacabra is something that I’ve overlooked for this blog’s entire life. Sure, I’ve brought it up periodically and have discussed it from time to time. However, in the way of it ever being at the forefront of any write-up that I’ve done, that has never happened.

The closest the Chupacabra has ever gotten to being front and center was last year when I talked about “The Mexican Tongue Monster,” but I neglected it because, at the time, the creature in that story didn’t resemble any known depiction of the iconic cryptid that I knew of. Not only that, but the title didn’t even mention the Chupacabra, which I find bizarre in hindsight. Also, this write-up and that one started the same way, with a quote from me. How fitting.

Anyway, there’s a reason I haven’t fixated on the Chupacabra yet. Simply put, I don’t think I can add anything to the story that hasn’t already been said. Like the aforementioned Sasquatch and Loch Ness Monster, there are countless television shows, specials, articles, books, videos, and podcasts that have covered the Chupacabra. What could I say that would be new or exciting?

I’m sure there’s someone out there who would argue that every voice is unique. However, in my eyes, the Chupacabra’s been covered to the point that it now resembles one of its victims. It’s hollow; there’s nothing left inside of it…

Or is there?

The Chupacabra holds a unique distinction. Given the creature’s notoriety around the planet, it’s been blamed for cattle mutilations outside of where the legend spawned from (which was Puerto Rico). Much like a virus, it spread; it was sighted in the Southern United States, Mexico, and much of Latin America, and it was blamed for leaving countless dead farm animals in its wake.

In the decades since then, some believe the Chupacabra has found its way to other continents, with some—be it jokingly or seriously—claiming that if their livestock is killed, it was the work of the vampiric cryptid. Skeptics often dismiss these reports as the work of feral dogs or some other predatory animal.

However, some reports are more enigmatic and not as easily explainable, at least in my eyes. There are countless reports that simply don’t add up in my eyes.

To offer you all an example, I have a friend from New Zealand who lived on a farm. One morning, she and her family found some sheep slaughtered. She’s a trained veterinarian and told me there was no animal that could’ve done whatever did this. The organs had been removed, and the sheep had been burned. Additionally, one had its fetus removed.

Her opinion was that it was either extraterrestrials or the Chupacabra. Honestly? I’m inclined to believe her. I thought that back in 2019 when she first told me the story, and I think that now in 2024.

As graphic and unpleasant as it may be to read that, I brought it up for one very important reason—aside from using it as an example. It was what ultimately motivated me to cover a story about the Chupacabra, so I decided that I’d finally discuss the prolific cryptid on this blog at long last.

However, that motivation would quickly flicker out. Due to mental health struggles and a plethora of other stories that I wanted to cover, covering a case featuring the Chupacabra got put on the back burner for quite some time.

It wasn’t until last year that I finally decided that I’d do it; I’d give the infamous “Goat Sucker” the limelight. Alas, I opted to ax it for reasons that I can’t remember. So, I pushed it up this year, where it became the fourth “purge survivor” when Decemystery 2024’s schedule was shaken up.

However, let’s remain focused. After six years, Limitless Possibilities will finally take a look at one of the most iconic cryptids and legends on Earth; pack your bags and get your passport because today’s Decemystery entry is The Hawaiian Chupacabra, a story that redefines the term “trouble in paradise” in the most mesmerizingly crazy way possible!

Decemystery (2024) 16: bubbles.avi

 

Here’s a random fun fact for you, dear reader: This story’s the only one that’s both a “purge survivor” from the original schedule for this month and a part of the five entries I picked from the Conspiracy Iceberg. I thought that was kind of neat.

Anyway, hello, dear reader; welcome back to Decemystery 2024. We’ve hit the halfway point, and I wanted to write about something that was as fun as yesterday’s entry. That was ridiculously easy to do because this story’s been on my radar for a while; I believe it was a part of last year’s Decemystery duology, and I’d considered covering it in 2022. The third time’s the charm, I guess!

If you were to ask me why on God’s green Earth I picked this case out to cover over any other number of Conspiracy Iceberg entries, I wouldn’t be able to answer you. While it’s easier to understand when you hear the claims (yes, claims—there’s more than one version of this), the name doesn’t exactly sound that exhilarating. In fact, it sounds like a really cliché creepypasta—or a plot element to one.

Yet, surprisingly enough, that’s not the case. In fact, the more prevalent version of this conspiracy is beautiful—a word that I don’t think I’ve ever used to describe something without being the slightest bit sardonic. The same can’t be said for the other version, but I digress. Come along, dear reader; let’s take a look at bubbles.avi and see what it’s like when beauty meets brutality!

Decemystery (2024) 13: The Mummy on the Bed

 

Ah, this story. There’s a weird history with it. It was on the schedule for last year’s Decemystery duology, but I scrapped it in favor of something else. I forget which story it was, but regardless, there was also the mounting pressure of having to write so much in so little time.

When this year rolled around, though, I didn’t plan on covering it. Then, when I revised the schedule, I did—until I didn’t. After the mammoth-sized write-ups “The Nickelodeon Hamster Wheel Broadcast” and “The Man From the Box,” the thought of covering a third mystery from Reddit sounded as appealing as salmonella. Simply put, I dreaded the idea of having another write-up that’d end up being far longer than I originally intended it to be—and that would leave me utterly drained.

However, after yesterday’s case, I opted to look over this story again out of sheer curiosity. As I did, I realized that it was nowhere close to as long as the aforementioned two. In fact, it’s remarkably short; it’s roughly the length of a story from About but with a few replies (only six, with half of them being from the original poster).

So, after much consideration (by which I mean I acted out of pure impulse), I figured I’d re-add it to Decemystery 2024’s schedule. In doing so, I’m confident that this story has had roughly the same number of date changes Duke Nukem Forever did prior to its release back in 2011. I promise it won’t be anywhere near as mediocre as that game was.

Anyway, aside from taking us back to Reddit, this case is also the first time since the original Decemystery that I’ll be discussing a story related to a mummy. Yes, it’s been six years since I’ve discussed anything related to them; I’m in disbelief that it’s taken me this long to talk about them. So, come along; let’s dive into the belly of one of the Internet’s most controversial websites once more and go over the oh-so-fantastically named story of The Mummy on the Bed!

Decemystery (2024) 8: The McDonald's Blob

 

When I started this blog, I had zero intention of covering unsolved mysteries. Absolutely none. That was a spur-of-the-moment thing I did for reasons I don’t even remember. The inaugural Decemystery back in 2018 was something I vaguely recall doing for the heck of it; the exact reasoning is now in and of itself a mystery. If I did mention it at any point, it’s been lost amidst the sea of other stories I’ve covered—and I dislike the original Decemystery because of its poor quality.

This impromptu decision to write about a mystery a day eventually led me to slowly but surely amass a backlog of over 5,000 mysteries I’d like to cover. I’m unsure if I’ll write about them on this blog. It’s more likely that I’ll write a series of books where I cover them, but that’s a story for another time in the far distant future. For now, let’s get back on track.

While I have fleeting memories of Decemystery 2018, most of them are of no importance and amount to little more than me typing away haphazardly without much thought about what I was doing. I believe there were a few times I considered abandoning the project, but I thought that wasn’t worth it. Besides, I thought it’d be cool if I completed it—and I did!

That said, while I view the quality as poor nowadays, I recall wanting to do Decemystery again in 2019. Except, then I didn’t; I canceled it. Then, like an indecisive buffoon, I uncanceled it.

Once again, I can’t remember the events that led to the cancellation because I deleted the blog post. I’m sure there was some reason related to mental health or time constraints, but it matters not because I managed to complete it without missing a day.

That brings me to the point of this retrospective intro. Whenever I reflect upon the evolution of this blog, there’s something that stands out to me—namely, the aforementioned Decemystery 2019.

Indeed, the Decemystery that nearly got thrown out the window is arguably the most pivotal moment in the blog’s history. Why? Well, it was the Decemystery where I opted to broaden the stories I covered. I didn’t stick to normal unsolved mysteries; I began including entries from the “Conspiracy Iceberg,” an iceberg chart that has a plethora of conspiracy theories on it.

This can be seen right out of the gate. The inaugural entry of Decemystery 2019 was “Golf Rumors,” a popular Conspiracy Iceberg entry that has more variants than I care to count. I also went over four other stories that month: Cameraheads (which has since been solved as it was a piece of lost media), The Patterson-Gimlin Massacre (which I want to rewrite), “Is Lord of the Rings Based on a True Story?” (again, I want to rewrite that one), and Project Blue Beam.

Adding on to that, I also covered the 2006 Volleyball Incident, which I’m pretty sure was going to be a part of Decemystery 2019 but was nixed for reasons that elude me. Look, it’s been five years, and I don’t have a journal. I’m sorry.

So, what does all of this have to do with today? Well, I wanted to make Decemystery 2024 special. I’ve had an arduous year, and I didn’t want to keep going through the archives of About like I didn’t care anymore. So, I figured I’d go through the two Megalists I wrote and find five of the weirdest conspiracy theories to cover.

And boy, oh boy, I succeeded. Believe me when I say that I looked for the weirdest stories; I made sure that they made the five cases we discussed last year look like child’s play.

So, with all of that in mind, I say it’s time that we celebrate not only the wonderful month of December but also celebrate the evolution of this blog throughout the years. And it all begins with the wonderfully weird story of The McDonald’s Blob! Come along, dear reader; let’s see what lurks in the shadows of those iconic golden arches!

Decemystery (2024) 7: The Purple Monster

 

I want to paint a picture for you, dear reader. I want you to imagine that you do what I do; you write about the weird stories you’ve read online, in books, and heard in various videos you’ve listened to throughout your life. You’ve amassed a library’s worth of the craziest stories that anyone can imagine—their validity notwithstanding.

Now, I want you to imagine that you’re talking to a friend—any friend will do—and you get on the topic of your writing. You decide to tell them about how you’ve found a few odd stories that you’re considering covering and that one of them, in particular, is really peculiar. This prompts your friend to ask you, “What’s the weirdest story you’ve ever read?”

For most, this would be a very simple question to answer. Heck, for some people who even know more—and I use this word incredibly loosely—“obscure” cases like the Isdal Woman, you could name at least a few contenders for that title.

Personally, that question is impossible to answer. It seems like each year, there’s a new candidate who challenges something like the Oviedo Dick Monster for the dubious honor of “Weirdest Story I’ve Ever Read.” And if you’re wondering, that case is most likely the case I’d label as the strangest I’ve ever read.

However, I can’t say with absolute certainty because today’s Decemystery entry is a masterpiece in oddness. Is it as weird as that phallic-shaped monstrosity from Florida? No, definitely not. But that doesn’t minimize just how strange it is—not by a long shot. So come along, dear reader; it’s time to delve into the archives of About yet again as we take a look at the story of The Purple Monster!

Decemystery (2024) 5: The Triangle Man

 

When it comes to the realm of the paranormal, I’m far from the most well-educated person on Earth. Sure, I’ve heard plenty of ghost stories. I know the basics of ghost lore—to some degree, anyway. I know that ghosts aren’t corporeal beings, that they leave behind cold spots, and that they can move stuff. Also, they’re prone to responding to people knocking on walls. I have no idea why, but I think that’s funny.

I learned the basics of ghosts as a child, though, and I’ve since forgotten a lot of other things that would likely be useful when writing about them. I could go back and relearn them, but I’m lazy. Yes, that’s really my excuse. How professional of me.

In recent years, my interest in it has waned considerably. While I still enjoy a good ghost story, I feel like they’re largely the same. A house or some other location where stuff moves around and footsteps are heard when there’s only one person home. If you’re lucky, the person saw an apparition.

That level of sameness makes them a drag to cover. There’s only so much I can handle before I find the energy and love that I pour into writing turning into a sense of obligation. That, for me, is one of the worst feelings in the world because it leads to the driest and blandest write-ups possible. The last thing I want to do is post something that was an obligation and not something that I believe could be enjoyed by the folks who visit this blog.

Those reasons are why I seldom cover paranormal cases. While some can argue that UFO sightings are the same, I find UFOs to be a lot more interesting. Also, there’s a lot more fun to be had in the absurdity of cases about enormous UFOs being seen by one person. To paraphrase CinemaSins, “Nobody who watches the sky for a living saw this thing.”

That said, there are occasionally cases that pique my interest enough to where I need to make an exception. Today marks one of those occasions because it is, without a doubt, one of the most unsettling ghost stories I’ve read in a long time. I mentioned it in yesterday’s Decemystery entry, and I’m going to give it the attention it demands today. This, dear reader, is the disturbing tale of The Triangle Man!

Decemystery (2024) 4: The Triangle Creature

 

If there’s one thing I love about the realm of cryptozoology, it’s that there’s no shortage of weird and inexplicable tales for me to read about. For every relatively normal creature like Bigfoot, there’s a Bagodemon waiting to give me an aneurysm just around the corner.

No, I haven’t recovered from that case a year later.

Anyway, while that metaphorical aneurysm sure as heck drives me nuts at times, I still relish the chaotic nature of cryptozoology and its many oddities. To me, it’s like a comfort zone. I can always count on it to bring me a sense of solace and provide me with something to write about (even if the story is absolute nonsense). So, today, I feel like harkening back to a more classic tale of strangeness.

Today’s story is one that I had intended to cover for one of the Decemysterys last year (I forget which). The exact reason I nixed it also evades me, but I think it’s because I figured I’d be treading similar ground, and I didn’t want to have another write-up that would read like so many others. Funny, I could say the same thing about the numerous UFO stories I covered.

Because it ended up getting nixed, it ended up being a part of Decemystery 2024’s original schedule. Now, if you read the intro to the Nickelodeon Hamster Wheel Broadcast write-up, you may remember that I mentioned that five stories survived the “purge” of that original schedule. I also said that when one of those stories came up, I would mention that. Well, surprise-surprise, this happens to be one of them.

This case is known as The Triangle Creature. Why did it survive? Well, look at that name! How could I not keep it around? Now, enough talk. Come along, dear reader; it’s time for us to head to the Heartland of the United States to discuss one of the greatest-named cryptids out there!

Decemystery (2023) 24: The Television Demon

Hello, dear reader! I hope your Christmas Eve morning is a fantastic one; if you aren’t reading this on Christmas Eve, then I hope your day is still amazing. Anyway, welcome back to my blog; it’s time for another round of Decemystery fun. This story is one that caught my eye for a multitude of reasons, not the least being its title.

When I was a wee lad, I remember two horror movies very fondly: The Ring and The Grudge. If you weren’t alive back then (2002 and 2004, respectively), they were American remakes of two Japanese horror films: Ringu and Ju-On. Their success led to an abundance of Asian horror films being remade here in the United States. Most of them were absolute trash. In fact, I think the aforementioned two films were the only ones that were deemed good in some capacity.

Anyway, those two movies had a huge influence on me. The Grudge scared the living daylights out of me as a kid; that croaking will forever haunt my nightmares. Meanwhile, The Ring always stuck with me for the visual of a ghost crawling out of a television. It’s equal parts surreal and terrifying; I absolutely adore it and wish more horror movies did more creative things like that.

That brings us to today’s story. When I was searching for things to write about, I stumbled across an account that reminded me a lot of The Ring. I knew right away that I had to cover it; there was no way I was passing up the opportunity to cover something like that. So come along, let’s take a look at The Television Demon!

Decemystery (2023) 23: The Oklahoma Fly Man

 

I have had some really bad experiences with Flies. I remember once when I was playing Dead Island; one was inside our house; this little bastard decided to fly near me, so I clapped at it, hoping to kill it. No dice, though, but it decided to fly in front of me like, “Haha, you missed!” To this day, I swear it momentarily gained sapience because there’s no way it didn’t know what it was doing.

Oh well, it got it deserved because my mother eventually killed it. I’m incapable of doing anything worthwhile when it comes to insects; I’d resort to throwing television to try and kill a gnat. Too bad I’d miss it; further proof that I’m incapable of doing much of anything outside of finding weird stories on the Internet.

Anyway, now that you know my history with pests that had wings, you can likely guess why I picked today’s story. Well, outside of the name (which I’ve said plenty of times, I pick stories if the name is eye-catching). With a name like The Oklahoma Fly Man, I knew right away that there was no way I’d pass up the opportunity to cover something that brings to mind memories of both The Fly and my utter disdain for those aerial jerks. So come along, dear reader; it’s time for yet another tale of high strangeness!

Decemystery (2022.3) 17: The Brooklyn Subway Vampire Girl

Growing up, I was never a big fan of vampires. I always preferred werewolves. Indeed, for whatever reason, I never found vampires particularly interesting or terrifying. Despite that, I vividly recall having one God-awful nightmare when I was younger about a vampire outside my living room window trying to get in. It had the most inhuman look on its face, and it scares me to this day. If I had the ability to draw, I would have no trouble recreating the look on that thing’s face. With that said, that nightmare is an exception; beyond that, I just don’t find vampires to be frightening.

Nevertheless, like plenty of other things, I still enjoy reading about them. So, when I came across the story of The Brooklyn Subway Vampire Girl, my interest was immediately piqued. It’s a story from a major metropolitan area that I’ve visited quite often, and it involves a vampire. That’s definitely something that I definitely would not expect to hear about in a place like New York City. So, come along, dear reader; it’s time for us to go vampire hunting!

Decemystery (2022.3) 13: The Sabertooth Lion Man

 

When I was young, my favorite prehistoric animal was the sabretoothed cat; it was to the point where I wanted them not to be extinct since I wanted to own one as a pet. I was a stupid kid and had stupid dreams; don’t judge my meager 6-year-old mind too harshly!

Anyway, despite not wanting to own one anymore on account of my desire to still have limbs (and a head—that’s also important), I still think Smilodon is awesome. In fact, I still kind of hope it’s survived since I think it’d be awesome to see one in person. I may not want to own one as a pet anymore, but I’m still filled with idiotic dreams and desires, like seeing a creature in person that could rip my head off like it was made of paper.

My moronic yearnings aside, today’s Decemystery entry is one that caught my eye for a few reasons, not the least of which is the inclusion of the word “sabretooth.” Yes, I know that in the actual story, it’s spelled the British way, but I spell it the way I’ve spelled it my whole life. So, without further ado, let’s take a dive into the realm of the unknown once again and talk about The Sabretooth Lion Man!

Decemystery (2023) 8: The Creepy Clown in the Bedroom

 

Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns. Like arachnophobia and agoraphobia (and many others), it’s one of the most common phobias in the world. Personally, I was never afraid of clowns. Many of my friends and family members, however, are, and I get it. They have permanent smiles along with zany makeup and are generally uncanny to look at. Not to mention, some of the most iconic villains are clowns: The Joker and Pennywise are two examples. Couple that with a serial killer like John Wayne Gacy—who worked as Pogo the Clown—and you have a happy-go-lucky image that can easily be warped into nothing less than a monster.

Of course, phobias are irrational fears; clowns aren’t all interdimensional beings, murderous psychopaths who like to screw with a billionaire who dresses up as bats, or unspeakable human trash like John Wayne Gacy. Despite that, phobias can be exceedingly difficult to deal with, and Coulrophobia is no different. That, to me, is what makes stories of creepy clowns so interesting; I’m not someone who’s acutely fearful of them, but I know many who see someone in scary clown makeup and react like I do when I see a spider or any other creepy crawler.

That brings me to today’s Decemystery entry. It’s a very simple tale: no aliens, no cryptids, nothing but a scary sight in the bedroom. So, come along; it’s time to dive into the story of The Creepy Clown in the Bedroom. Look, I couldn’t think of anything snazzier; I’m running on fumes over here.

Decemystery (2023) 7: VCR Wife

 

Hello there! Welcome back to my humble little blog. If you were around here an hour ago, perhaps you read about something (or rather someone) known as “The Sad Man.” If you didn’t, then don’t worry, that isn’t necessary. The only thing that is necessary is that today’s daily dose of mysteriousness is centered on two strange entries I found on the Conspiracy Iceberg. Both stories have little to nothing available on them, so I figured that it could be fun to take a gander at them both. After all, not every write-up needs to be about something noteworthy. Sometimes, it’s fun to kick back and look over an odd thing from the Internet.

So what do we have now? Well, this story is known as VCR Wife. When I first saw this story back in 2021, I was honestly enraptured by it in a weird way. There was something about the name that really stuck with me, and ever since then, I’ve wanted to dedicate a full write-up to it. In fact, it was on the schedule for Decemystery 2022, but as you can tell, that never materialized. It’s just like the planned Terminator trilogies from the last 15 years!

Anyway, enough with the digressions. Let us take a look at this story; it’s a story of romance and over 1,000 VHS tapes. Oh, baby, I can feel the nostalgia coursing through my veins! I really don’t like it.

Decemystery (2022.3) 7: The Sad Man

 

I love unsolved mysteries. I know that’s a truly shocking revelation, and it isn’t like it’s a focal point of this blog, but let’s not linger on that. Something else I love is conspiracy theories. I know, an even more shocking revelation and it isn’t like that’s some sort of niche topic we’ve talked about on this blog. I also love true crime, which is an even more shocking revelation!

I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about that love before on this blog, but my love for those topics is what drives me to write. However, in an era where everyone and their grandmother can post things online and make videos for platforms like YouTube, it’s hard to find a case or topic that hasn’t been covered to death. Let’s face it: everyone and their dog has heard the story of, say, the Zodiac. He’s one of the most widely talked about unidentified serial killers not just in the United States but in the world. It’s hard to really add something to that case unless I’m talking about an incredibly niche theory that holds practically no water. Given the kind of person I am, I would much rather not do that since I’d rather look at the whole case and not one single suspect.

As such, I prefer to focus on those “lesser known” cases. The ones that few, if any, people have talked about. However, even then, that’s pretty hard. There are people who dedicate their time to doing that, and as such, I tend to poach stories. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal somewhere in the world, so if I ever happen to disappear, there’s a possibility that that’s why. Joking aside, that desire of mine does pose its own challenges. When there’s a story out there I want to cover that has virtually no information on it, it more or less falls on me to actively find and present information. And if you’re a long-time reader of this blog, you know very well that my opinion of my research is low—very, very low.

Normally, that would be where I’d self-deprecate so much; my friends would express concern if I shared this introduction with them to ask for their opinions. That is not the case today, however! No, I’m happy today—super happy—because this is a story that I’ve really wanted to cover for a fair bit of time, ever since I included it in the second Megalist I did, to be exact. In fact, both of today’s stories are from that Megalist, and both I had hoped to cover last year. We’re starting off with this one because… I felt like covering it first.

Known as The Sad Man, this story originates from the Conspiracy Iceberg and is one of those stories that have little to nothing available about it. However, the mere summary of it from what I’ve found is so intriguing and so unusual that passing up on it would be criminally stupid. So come along, dear reader. Although the name of the story may invoke a sense of sadness, today’s story is going to be anything but sad!

Decemystery (2023) 3: The Little Blue Man

 

Hello, dear reader, and welcome back to my little blog. This is the place where I spend thousands of words talking about weird stuff that I found while browsing the Internet (and elsewhere). Given that it’s still December, it’s time for another round of Decemystery goodness!

Today, I want to take a trip over to a website that I’ve gone to for a write-up—not that I remember, at least. It’s called Your Ghost Stories and is dedicated to—shock of all shocks—user-submitted ghost stories. The site was launched in 2006 and is host to 19,839 stories (as of October 17). Even nowadays, it’s still posting new stories. God willing, it will still be active when this goes up because if it’s not, I’ll be quite disappointed.

Anyway, today’s mystery is one that I stumbled across while I was browsing through the archives; like many stories before it, the name is what got me: The Little Blue Man. This is a rather oddball tale; although it’s on a website dedicated to ghost stories, it’s by no means a tale about a haunting or anything of that nature. Instead, it’s closer to a user reaching out to others asking for help on what their mother experienced when she was pregnant.

So come along, dear reader; let’s see if we can provide answers to this puzzling case! After over a year of being out of the game, it’s time to dive back into the world of the paranormal!

Decemystery (2022.3) 1: The TED Talk "There Is Nothing" Incident

 

Hello there, dear reader! I have no real idea whether or not you will have read any sort of update by the time you’re reading this. If you are, then you likely know what my plans are for this year. If you haven’t read an update, then there’s a good chance that I never bothered to post a single thing the entire year (which likely has made my blog look like it was abandoned). Now, why don't I post an update? Well, I’m scared of making a promise and breaking it—again.

So, for the sake of providing one before we get into the fun, allow me to explain something. Brain fog sucks. Brain fog that lasts an entire year really sucks. Brain fog that stops you from doing the one thing that you believe you’re good at really, really sucks. Indeed, that’s pretty much the one and only reason that I never posted anything last year (a year which I had hoped would be my biggest and best year to date). Thanks, COVID! You robbed me of a year of my life.

Anyway, because of that, there was no Decemystery 2022. However, I’m nothing if not committed to saying that I’ve done a Decemystery each and every year. So, for this year, there will be not one but two Decemystery series! The first will be known as Decemystery 2022.3 and will be posted at 6:00 a.m. Eastern time. The second will be Decemystery 2023 and will be posted an hour later. This is the inaugural story of the first of those two. Also, I hope you don’t hate me for not posting anything of merit last year (besides a review of a really awful horror film). If you do hate me, all I can say is I’m sorry, and I deeply regret not posting more updates last year to let you all know what my health status was.

And then, immediately after writing this part of the introduction, I decided to post an update on the blog to alert people I was writing again. Why didn’t I delete this part? Because I wanted to pad the word count. No, really, that’s the only reason. :^)

So, confession time: I’ve never seen The Matrix. I know, that’s probably the worst thing to ever be uttered by any human being, but it’s true. Though I haven’t seen it, I am still very much aware of a great many things about it. For example, I know that Keanu Reeves starred in it, I know of bullet time, I know of the red and blue pills (take both pills at once, anons), and I know there was no spoon.

Now that I have confessed to my greatest cinematic sin and every Matrix fan is gone and preparing their cat-o’-nine-tails for my inevitable torturing, allow me to get this ball a-rollin’. I want to hone in on the concept of there being “no spoon.” I’m sure that most—if not all—of you are familiar with the “simulation theory.” If you aren’t, it’s the theory that reality is just some, well, simulation. Basically, we live in The Sims. Truly, this is a fate worse than Alt+F4.

The simulation theory is a controversial one, to be sure. It has its proponents and its dissidents, and whether the former spend their days trying their best to activate cheat codes within the hypothetical simulation is up for debate. Should any succeed, I hope they use those cheat codes for good and also help me get back the time I wasted watching Pride & Prejudice & Zombies in theaters.

Anyway, let’s get back on track. All of this rambling does have a point, and it’s one that I’ve struggled to make for quite some time. You see, I’m not a believer in the simulation theory, nor am I fond of it. Despite that, I never try to let my personal views or beliefs dictate what I write about or how I write about something. That doesn’t always end up being the case, though; sometimes, my personal beliefs end up taking over and end up with something extraordinarily narrow-minded or biased. However, in those cases, it’s usually something that I believe isn’t going to upset a lot of people—barring Nibiru (which I would like to one day do a rewrite on since I think my biased views on that make it an unpleasant read).

So, what am I trying to get at? Well, at the time of this writing (which is in January of this year), I’m finally getting back into writing after close to a year of not having done any. As such, I wanted to start off with something that I would consider easy, and today’s story fit the bill for me. Coincidentally, it’ll also be an exercise in me not inserting any personal beliefs or biased comments.

That story hails from one of the many, many Conspiracy Theory Icebergs. Known as the TED Talk “There Is Nothing” Incident, this is something I would expect to find on a creepypasta website. That would actually be preferable, given how absurdly difficult it was to find anything on this story, but I digress. This is something I’ve had on my radar for a few years now, and I finally wish to cover it today. So come along, dear reader. It’s time for Decemystery 2022.3 to begin, and it’s time to find out if there really is anything to the story that claims there really is nothing.