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Sunday, December 17, 2023

Decemystery (2022.3) 17: The Brooklyn Subway Vampire Girl


Growing up, I was never a big fan of vampires. I always preferred werewolves. Indeed, for whatever reason, I never found vampires particularly interesting or terrifying. Despite that, I vividly recall having one God-awful nightmare when I was younger about a vampire outside my living room window trying to get in. It had the most inhuman look on its face, and it scares me to this day. If I had the ability to draw, I would have no trouble recreating the look on that thing’s face. With that said, that nightmare is an exception; beyond that, I just don’t find vampires to be frightening.


Nevertheless, like plenty of other things, I still enjoy reading about them. So, when I came across the story of The Brooklyn Subway Vampire Girl, my interest was immediately piqued. It’s a story from a major metropolitan area that I’ve visited quite often, and it involves a vampire. That’s definitely something that I definitely would not expect to hear about in a place like New York City. So, come along, dear reader; it’s time for us to go vampire hunting!

The Story of the Most Normal New Yorker


Trust me, I lived in the state most of my life.


I found this story on the Paranormal Strange Wiki, and I’m going to say right now that it’s the only place you’ll find this story. I’ll get back to this when we’re done with the story (which won’t take very long).


According to the Wiki, the vampire—as I will call it—resided in the Brooklyn subway. Where, exactly, I don’t know, but I can vouch that it would not be the worst thing to reside in New York City’s subways. Either way, this supposed vampire (or “vampire-like girl,” as the article puts it) purportedly terrorized the subway. She’s described as being tall, lanky, pale, and wears a blouse. Are we sure this is a vampire and not a Hot Topic employee? Ah, whatever.


Moving on, it’s claimed that some people—presumably subway passengers—have witnessed this vampire “wrestle her prey to the ground” before she tears them apart. Literally, she apparently sports inhuman strength. On top of bearing witness to this horror, it’s said that some have seen her “lapping the blood” of her victims. I will note that here, the writer put “his victims.” I’ll get back to this in a bit.


It is also said that there was a “pursuit” between the vampiric girl and someone. It subsequently ended when the vampire jumped over a six-foot fence. There is also something incoherent about being in a coffee shop and screaming, along with something involving several men inside a train in Brooklyn. You can make your own jokes about the part with the men, but I’ll circle back to the part about the fence very shortly. For now, I want to slam on the brakes.


As you can tell, I am not telling a story. I am jumping around like I’m on a pogo stick; there is no direction to this case whatsoever. That’s because, to put it very bluntly, this isn’t a story. It’s almost certainly a troll. Want proof? Well, read this:

 

The orphan moose had been wandering around so close to populated areas, it seems as if it would have been easily captured. If the explanatory power of the baby moose explanation appeals to you, then you could get around the worst objection by substituting a humanoid.


This is flat-out lifted from the Paranormal Strange Wiki article about The Dover Demon. There’s just a bit added, but it’s otherwise directly taken from the explanation section of that page. Meanwhile, the part about the six-foot fence is directly lifted from the article on The Mineral Point Vampire, who’s apparently often compared to Spring-heeled Jack.


But wait, there’s more! The entire article ends with this gem!


However, known caecilians do not even begin to approach to mystery vampire?


Grammatical errors aside, Caecilians are a type of serpentine amphibian. When I first read this article, I thought the writer of this article meant Sicilians, who are people from Sicily (which is in Italy), and they misspelled it. However, upon looking up “Caecilians” on the Paranormal Strange Wiki, I found that that sentence is lifted from the article on the Minhoc√£o. The writer simply changed “approach the supposed size of this animal” to “mystery vampire?” Smooth.


Meanwhile, the “lapping the blood” bit? That was taken from the article on the Pine Ridge Vampire, which compares the lapping to that of a dog when it drinks water. For reasons I cannot fathom, the author of the Brooklyn Subway Vampire Girl changed it to say she lapped up blood like a human. I mean, I guess you can imitate a dog when it drinks water, but I digress.


As you can plainly see, dear reader, this is the Frankenstein’s Monster of Wiki articles; it is stitched together from many other stories in order to create the world’s first Frankenstinian case of High Strangeness. I guarantee there are plenty of others that I did not mention because I didn’t care enough to check every nook and cranny. As such, I implore you to not attempt to approach it, for it is volatile and could attack you should it feel threatened. So, instead of idling here, let us get to the theories.


Theories


1. A real vampire


Uh, no.


2. A hoax


Oh, absolutely.


3. An escapee from Staten Island


I hope no others escape, lest the next great plague be unleashed upon the world. The plague that is Staten Island!


My Take


I don’t think I need to say anything. I don’t believe this story for a second; it’s complete and utter nonsense that was put together from bits of other Wiki articles. I found that out when I looked up “vampire orphan moose,” if you’re curious.


Despite my lack of belief, though, I must admit that it was genuinely fun to snoop and see what stories were stitched together to make this—for a bit, anyway. However, while this story may be a load of nonsense, I will take a bit of time to make a note of something. There are stories of monsters residing in subways; there are also legends of vampires from around the world. So, in that regard, this story does have the slightest bit of truth to it. Heck, we’ll be going over other vampires later this month. Though, I will say that one of the two I mentioned before isn’t being covered.


Unfortunately, this story has nothing to it; it is more than likely a troll that someone made for a laugh. I will admit it is quite amusing to see, and I opted to cover it mostly for the fun value. Though, I do have one question—and it’s a serious one. When I initially found this, I did go ahead and see if there was any veracity to it. Upon doing so, I found a movie called Vampire in Brooklyn, which stars Eddie Murphy. I have to wonder: did the writer of that article base their troll off of that movie’s title? Or is it a coincidence? I wish to God I knew if it was. If you by some incredible chance know, do tell me.


Conclusion


While this story may be nonsense—unless the writer really had no idea how to tell their story—I must admit that it was fun (at least, for me, it was). I do recall a time when I said I didn’t want to cover things that I knew were fake, but as time has gone on, I realize that it’s inevitable that I will stumble across something that is more than likely not real. That, and I do think it’s important to always remember that not everything you read is real. This is, after all, the Internet.


Anyways, with that, this write-up is done. So, until next time, stay happy, stay healthy, and thank you for reading!

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