Decemystery (2022.3) 30: The Giant Lunar Spider

 

I’ve made it no secret that I am deathly scared of spiders. I cannot stand the sight of them; if I see one—even a small one—I will freak out and ask someone to kill it for me. In spite of that fear, though, I find them fascinating, and as I said earlier this month, stories of giant spiders remain one of my favorite topics to read about. I guess it’s my adoration for horror; being scared is quite fun. Well, it’s fun when the thing that’s doing the scaring isn’t anywhere close to me.

In the case of today’s story, the thing doing the scaring is nowhere close to me—or any of us, for that matter. Rather, it’s on Earth’s closest neighbor, the Moon! So, for the penultimate story of Decemystery 2022.3, we have the otherworldly account of The Giant Lunar Spider! Come along, dear reader, and get ready to experience a whole new level of arachnophobia!

Decemystery (2022.3) 22: That Time Someone Saw the Joker in Their Closet

 

I remember as a child that I, for whatever reason, never had a real fear of monsters under my bed or in my closet. I guess that’s because I slept on a couch (I still do—old habits die hard) and because my duodenal ulcers hurt too much for me to be afraid of the dark.

That said, I will admit that closets can be pretty dang scary. Tight, enclosed spaces with little-to-no light are unsettling. For me, though, my fear isn’t some monster leaping out to attack me while in them. No, it’s if there’s a spider in there with me. That chick from The Grudge could be in there, ready to kill me, and I’ll still be more terrified of the spider that’s as big as the tip of my pinky finger. 

Although I never got to experience the fear of monsters in the closet, though, plenty have. In today’s story, someone found that fear to be all too real; our eyewitness insists that it was neither a dream nor her imagination. Indeed, this lady believes that one of the most iconic villains in comic book history was peering out from her closet. So come along, dear reader, let us dive into the story of That Time Someone Saw the Joker in Their Closet!

Decemystery (2022.3) 11: The Reptilian Judge

The Reptilian theory is one that I’ve avoided touching for a while now. The main reason is that it’s extremely controversial, and as someone who doesn’t like drawing a lot of attention to himself, I’ve been hesitant to cover it. I know that likely comes across as weird, given I’m posting my writings on the Internet, but I was never known for my common sense and logic.

Anyway, while the Reptilian theory isn’t the central focus of today’s Decemystery entry, it is a key part of it. You see, whether you believe David Icke’s claims that the world’s elite are Reptilian aliens who want to enslave humanity is largely irrelevant. Some believe that these aliens—and aliens of other species—live among us in secret. I normally don’t like making comparisons to popular media, but if you want an example of what I mean, look at the Marvel storyline “Secret Invasion” as an example; it was adapted into a Disney+ show for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I heard it was pretty bad, but I wouldn’t know for myself since I tuned out of the MCU after Endgame (which I didn’t like; hate me if you want).

However, whereas Secret Invasion involved the Skrulls taking on the forms of prominent people in order to invade human society (at least, that’s how it was in the comics), the Reptilian theory has them doing so for various reasons. Some say they want to enslave us, while others say they want to annihilate us. Either way, it’s not good news for humanity.

With today’s story, it’s more bad news for one guy who resided in Los Angeles (I have no idea if they still do). A man in the so-called “City of Angels” claimed that the judge at his court hearing was, in fact, a Reptilian in disguise. So come along, dear reader; it’s time to dive into the tale of The Reptilian Judge!

Decemystery (2021) 30: Los Angeles John & Jane Doe (1921–1951)

 

Let’s be honest for a moment: teenagers do some really stupid things. There is absolutely no denying that—it’s kind of a part of being a teen (in my eyes at least). I mean, I did some stupid things. I rebelled against my parents, I acted like I knew everything there was to know, and I thought I could do and say anything I desired without consequences.

That, naturally, backfired, and I learned a lot of harsh lessons.

Lucky for me though, I’ve since learned my lesson (for the most part) and have become a better person. Well, I’ve at least attempted to become a better one. I sure as heck am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and am still a deeply flawed human being, but I no longer try to pick fights with hornets and light fires inside my own home.

Yes, I actually did the latter one. Admittedly, I did that as a pre-teen, but I thought that fire wouldn’t burn as fast as it actually does.

Err, well, anyways: all of that brings us to today’s story. Teenage tomfoolery/stupidity is the name of the game for today. You see, the Los Angeles John & Jane Doe both made a big oopsy daisy and now have remained unidentified for upwards of a century. Let’s find out why.

Decemystery (2021) 29: The Giant Space Brains of Palos Verdes

Remember when we talked about the Long Prairie Cans? Remember how I said that there were two stories—one of which was the one about the cans—and how I picked both? This was the other one. In hindsight, I should have covered this one before I posted the Gargantuan Globulous, Kinnula Humanoid and Arboreal Abomination write-ups. The only reason I didn’t was I thought this was perfect for one of the final stories. Oh well, no harm, no foul.

Anyways, today’s story is known as the Giant Space Brains of Palos Verdes. With a name like that, it shouldn’t really come as a surprise that it’s not only the craziest extraterrestrial story I’ve come across, but it’s also truly one of the most insane stories I’ve ever come across, period. So come along, it’s finally time we talk about these… things.

Decemystery (2021) 26: Peggy and the Giant Talking Cockroach

 

Cockroaches are… not exactly the most appealing insects out there. I’ve only ever seen one in my life and it was outside of a hospital in New York City. It took a moment for me to register what it was since it was out of the corner of my eye, but when I saw it fully, I remember shuddering and thinking it was the ugliest thing I’d ever seen. Thankfully, it was dead (I’m guessing the staff had sprayed it with RAID or it froze to death since I believe this was in autumn/winter).

Of course, that’s just my own little experience with them. I hope I never see one again—and if I’m unfortunate enough to see one, I hope it’s dead. Though I mean, that’s just me; I’m terrified of insects (let alone any creepy-crawly). You, on the other hand, may really like them.

One thing I think we can agree on though is that giant insects aren’t exactly the most pleasant thing to think about. Besides being something straight out of an old-timey B-movie, they’d also likely see us as food. It’s because of that that I’m sorry to say that today’s story, which I call Peggy and the Giant Talking Cockroach, deals with precisely that. This is gonna make my skin crawl.

Decemystery (2021) Bonus Entry: Who Bought the One Opening Weekend Ticket to See “The Worst Movie Ever!”?

 

Merry Christmas, dear reader! If you don’t celebrate Christmas, fear not! I shall raise a glass of eggnog in your honor.

When I was trying to pick out a bonus entry for today, I was honestly quite stumped. I had a few really, really great ideas, but I couldn’t pick one. They all felt a bit too “mainline entry” for me; I prefer to have the bonus entries be something “out there” and obtuse than worth talking about.

It wasn’t until I was reading about the biggest box office bombs in history that I found a story that I thought fit the bill perfectly. Back in 2011, a film was released called “The Worst Movie Ever!”. It ultimately grossed $25,000 against a budget of $1,100. While technically not a flop by any stretch of the imagination, the film was mentioned because it beat out Zyzzyx Road for the record for “Worst Opening Weekend Ever”.

You see, this movie grossed a meager $11 on its opening weekend; one ticket was sold on the Saturday it premiered. Zyzzyx Road, meanwhile, grossed $30 (though some say it was $20). While that may not seem mysterious, nobody knows who the sole single ticket buyer is (or was). So today, we’re going to ask one simple question and attempt to answer it: Who Bought the One Opening Weekend Ticket to See “The Worst Movie Ever!”?

Decemystery (2021) 15: The Money in Matt and Wendy Jameson's Backyard

Amidst a sea of really absurd and depressing mysteries, it’s sometimes hard to remember that there are stories out there which are more uplifting or light-hearted in nature. Today, I want to take a moment to bring attention to one. It’s short and doesn’t involve anything more than a strange event which began as quickly as it ended. This is the story of the Money in Matt and Wendy Jameson’s Backyard.

Decemystery (2021) 7: The Jetpack Men of Kazakhstan and Los Angeles

Jetpacks are really fun to think about. You strap ‘em on and with the press of a button, you can take off into the sky and fly around. It’s almost like you’ve got wings, except you need not flap them to keep soaring. Nay, you just hold that button down and rise up. Finally, short people can reach the top shelf at the local Wal-Mart!

In real life, jetpacks do exist, but their usage is rather limited and as far as I’m aware, they aren’t something you can easily purchase. A quick Google search yields that a JB10 Jetpack, made by the Jetpack Aviation Company, costs a staggering $290,000 over here in the United States. Meanwhile, their JB11 Jetpack has a starting price of #340,000. So I guess if you’re filthy rich, you could buy one, but I doubt it’ll come in much use in your day-to-day life.

With that said, jetpacks would have quite a bit of use in the military and certain other fields. After all, having an aerial advantage over your land-restricted enemy would be amazing. Though again, I don’t believe there’s ever been a scenario where a jetpack unit has been deployed into a warzone. Hopefully one day, I can hear about how Delta Force defeated some bad guys while dabbing through the air.

I digress; let’s get to the point. While jetpacks are a reality, but not to the full extent that your favorite piece of entertainment media may showcase, there have been some weird encounters with folks using jetpacks. In fact, there are two stories from two areas—at two separate times in history—involving “Jetpack Men”. So come along, let’s talk about the Jetpack Men of Kazakhstan and Los Angeles.

Mystery: Paul Deering

It’s been a really, really hellish past month for me; so much so that I cannot go into any reasonable detail without tearing up. The abridged version is that I’ve gone through a ridiculous amount of emotional and mental trauma and stress that’s caused me to take a serious break from writing and admittedly, I should probably not be sitting here writing this story. However, I wanted to have something up on the blog for this month. So let’s stop with the idle chatter and dive into the story of Paul Deering.

Mystery: The Man in the Plastic Bag

This has to be one of the most random things I’ve ever encountered on any website dedicated to mysteries, legends, or anything of that sort. On the ObscUrban Legend Wiki, there’s a story related to something called the Man in the Plastic Bag. I’d intended to cover it last year for Decemystery, but I honestly found it to not be worthwhile material. However, because I want to have fun and cover some of the simpler things I’ve amassed, I’m going to cover it for you all today.

Mystery: The Black Dahlia. A Tragedy Turned Mythical

The Case of the Black Dahlia, A Tragedy Turned Mythical

Here’s a simple question: how does someone solve a crime? “Evidence,” you say, “you need evidence to solve a crime.” You look for motive, a weapon, things left by the perpetrator. You learn about the victim if someone died. You check with people who knew the victim, people last seen with the victim, the whole nine yards. You start with a large group of suspects and narrow it down, sometimes you find the right person, sometimes not. Sometimes you missed something, sometimes very little could be done. 

Okay, now think about the many infamous American crimes, OJ Simpson, the Zodiac, Lizzie Borden. There are misconceptions of course but it’s not hard to find out what the evidence was. In the case of Borden: a young woman’s father and step mother were brutally murdered with an ax, said woman had a negative relationship with the two and there were some issues involving inheritance. The primary suspect was the daughter, who after a long trial was found innocent but doubt still lingers. Also something something lesbian conspiracy theory, an idea that will come up later, but we’re getting ahead of ourselves now.  

OJ: a famous football player’s wife is brutally murdered along with another man she was seeing. Said player was known to be aggressive and had previously beaten her. There is a bloody glove, a car chase, and a lack of other suspects. There is a long drawn out trial where the prime suspect is found innocent but doubt lingers.  

Zodiac: a man goes around San Francisco and neighboring areas, shooting and stabbing various people while sending cryptic messages and puzzles. Many people are suspected but nobody is found guilty and the crime spree stops by the 1970s. These statements are all broadly speaking, true. All of these crimes are technically unsolved, although with Borden and OJ many people strongly believe the courts got it wrong.  

Now finally we have what is arguably the most famous unsolved murder in US history, or at least the most famous unsolved Los Angeles murder. A beautiful girl who is an up and coming actress, brutally tortured and murdered. She is found cut in half in a vacant lot. It later comes out that she was promiscuous, perhaps even a lady of the night. The prime suspect is a creepy doctor obsessed with a surrealist artist who is a suspect in several other murders. He is almost arrested, but flees to another country never to return. The press nicknames this poor soul the Black Dahlia and it passes into legend as what fate awaits young aspiring stars.  

There is just one problem, unlike the other summaries, almost everything I just said is bullshit. Unlike many famous criminal cases, like Jack the Ripper, the objective truth is fairly difficult to obtain. Odds are, your understanding of the Dahlia case is wrong in some form. It’s not your fault, the facts started to become blurry not long after her tragic death. With each retelling the truth becomes hazier. By now the woman who was once named Elizabeth Short has more in common with Elizabeth Bathory then Nicole Brown Simpson. Less a human, more a legend. Her case is still open to this day, staffed by LAPD officers who were born years after the murder took place.  

There has never been a good book written about the subject. There has never been an accurate movie. There has never been a truthful television show. There has never been a fully honest video game. Every secondary source you can obtain is flawed, which makes researching this crime, especially if you don’t live in the LA area, incredibly difficult. I can’t claim to know all the facts and I’m sure I made some mistakes. With all that said, tonight let’s talk about the tale of Elizabeth Short, at least to the best of my knowledge.

Preface: almost all of the information in this post comes from former LA Times writer Larry Harnisch. He is the foremost expert on the history of LA and the Black Dahlia case. He has been writing a book on the subject for almost 20 years. If he is reading this, God bless your heart Larry, you are a great writer. I pray that book comes out soon. Here is a link to his old site. Here’s one to his current site.

A photo of Larry Harnisch. From Tyler and I, thank you for your assistance and kindness. It means the world to us!

Decemystery (2019) 18: The Patterson-Gimlin Massacre

Frame 352 of the Patterson-Gimlin Footage.

It’s time once again to return to the Conspiracy Iceberg. Today, we’re headed to Tier 2 for the Patterson-Gimlin Massacre.

The Patterson-Gimlin Footage—or PGF—is one of, if not the most, iconic pieces of evidence in support of the existence of Bigfoot ever. While you may not know it by name, odds are you’ve seen Frame 352 (which you can see above). The film supposedly shows what's claimed to be a female Bigfoot—nicknamed Patty—walking. She turns her head to look at the camera (likely because the horse Roger Patterson was riding got spooked) before making her way into the forest.

This is, at least, the most commonly accepted theory from those who believe the footage to be authentic in nature. Those who believe it to be fraudulent believe the creature seen is a man in a costume. There is, however, a much more sinister theory that exists; one that proposes that Roger Patterson and Robert Gimlin, along with several other men, were behind a massacre of a Bigfoot family. That’s where today’s story comes into play. So let’s dive in.

Decemystery 26: Gary Devore

Stylish.

I repeatedly put this case off—even at one point scrapping it—because of its daunting nature. It's one that isn't really a mystery, so much as it is a conspiracy theory. But due to the overwhelmingly bizarre nature of the death and the weird circumstances behind it, I feel that the death of screenwriter Gary Devore is worthy of this miniseries. That said, this is, for the most part, a conspiracy theory plays out like something from the pages of an espionage novel.

Decemystery 20: James Dean and The Little Bastard

James Dean with his car, the Little Bastard.

When I put this miniseries together, I wanted to focus on more obscure or lesser known mysteries. However, things changed and I'm not one to (normally) pass up a request. That, combined with time restraints (caused partially by laziness) have made me bend the rules a bit. So fasten your seat belts. It's time we discuss legendary story of James Dean and the Little Bastard.