Search This Blog

Wednesday, December 16, 2020

Decemystery (2020) 16: The Aliens Who Brought Pancakes


>be me

>no name blogger from New York

>looking for stories to cover

>go onto ObscUrbanLegend Wiki


>hum to myself

>eventually come across one
>the aliens who brought pancakes


The Story

A brief note: all credit for information not only goes to the ObscUrban Legend Wiki, but also and While I’d normally cite them throughout this write-up, both were just way too thorough with information for me to pass up. Check them both out by the way, they’re no doubt better written than this entry.

Anyways: on April 18, 1961 in Eagle River, Wisconsin at 11:00 in the morning, a 60-year-old (or 68-year-old if you go by the ObscUrban Legend Wiki) chicken farmer by the name of Joe Simonton heard a very peculiar sound. Allegedly described as sounding akin to “knobby tires on wet pavement”, Simonton went outside and saw a UFO landing in his backyard.

This UFO was said to be silver, twelve feet (3.6 meters) in height and about 30 feet (9.1 meters) in diameter. If you wonder what that would look like: it would no doubt be a sight that would make the average John or Jane say something to the effect of: “Oh sweet merciful Jesus, what in the world is that!?”

Joe Simonton wasn’t like the average John though. No, he was calm, collected, and somehow not scared out of his mind. Because of this, or because he was an incredibly ballsy individual who didn’t fear being killed by creatures whose brains could probably rip out his spine with a simple thought, he approached the UFO. At some point, a hatch opened, revealing three humanoid men. Two of them were sporting turtle necks, knitted caps, and one of them had on a black two-piece suit. No word on if they were Armani-tier suits.

Anywhoozle, it was at this point that one of these aliens proceeded to give Simonton a silvery jug and made a motion like they were drinking. This, Simonton realized, meant that the aliens desired water. Exactly how he guessed they specifically wanted water and not, say, liquor, Coca-Cola, milk, or urine is beyond me, but whatever.

After filling the jug with some water, Simonton brought it back and handed it to the aliens, who took it. It was at this time that Simonton opted to take a little peek into the ship. Within its extraterrestrial confines was another alien who was cooking on a flameless grill. What exactly was he cooking? Why, it was…

Pancakes! Or at least, what Simonton thought were pancakes.

Described as resembling cookies or crackers, SImonton was given four of the delicacies for his arduous labor of filling a jug with water. After this, the aliens flew off in their ship to some place, likely their home planet. What exactly they needed the water for is a mystery, but I’d hazard a guess and say it was to prepare for their role in the coming water wars as described in Mad Max: Fury Road.

Now left with four pancake-looking thingamabobs and with a story that would almost certainly leave him being the center of mockery, Simonton did the only natural thing one would do when given extraterrestrial food.

He ate it.

Presumably doing his best Gordon Ramsay impersonation decades in advance, Simonton found the food to be a bit less-than desirable. In fact, it probably tasted awful—he stated it “tasted like cardboard”. Or, to put it in Simonton’s own words:

If that was their food, God help them, because I took a bite of one of them and it tasted like a piece of cardboard. If that’s what they lived on, no wonder they were small. … When they left I stood there in the driveway with a pile of greasy pancakes and my mouth open wondering what the heck I just saw, what happened.

Yes, the aliens may have mastered intergalactic travel and can travel to Earth from their home planet of Zyloterix B-170 with their Hyper-Giga Matrix Drive V3.5 Delta, but  pancakes, let alone pancakes that didn’t taste like garbage, is a bit too out of reach for them.

Sometime down the road—I can’t exactly find the precise date—Simonton did give the “pancakes” to the Air Force. It was later found that the one sent was comprised of: flour, sugar, grease, hydrogenated fat, starch, buckwheat hulls, soya bean hulls, and wheat bran. In other words: I believe it was a normal pancake of some sort. It was also revealed that bacteria and radiation readings were normal and not abnormal (in spite of how UFO landing sites tend to have extremely high readings of radiation).

Nowadays, a part of one of the analyzed “pancakes” is now at the United States Air Force Museum at the Wright-Patterson Air Force Base and the story of Joe Simonton’s encounter with some funny little men remains a fairly famous story in the UFO community. Though what’s the truth to it all? Well, there are two theories for that question and we shall now go over them.


1. It was real aliens

The first theory is that Joe Simonton truly did encounter aliens.

This may seem a bit far-fetched thanks to how the pancakes didn’t seem extraterrestrial in nature, but there’s never been much in the way that dictates that Simonton was either fabricating the whole thing. In fact, an Air Force investigator by the name of J. Allen Hynek was quoted as saying:

There is no question that Mr. Simonton felt that his contact had been a real experience. Simonton answered questions directly, did not contradict himself, insisted on the facts being exactly as he stated and refused to accept embellishments or modifications. He stated he was sure that we wouldn’t believe him but that he didn’t care whether he was believed. He stated simply that this happened and that was that. He appeared quite sincere to me, did not appear to be the perpetrator of a hoax.

I managed to snag that quote from Mysterious Universe, which actually brings me to the next bit of information that I found. Something that I only found on their—and something that the website makes a note of in their article as not being brought up much, is that Simonton’s chickens became very sick in the days following the visitation from ET. In total, almost two dozen chickens died and the reason for it is unknown. Here’s a quote from the article from Judge Frank W. Carter; the typos have not been fixed because I don’t know if this was a letter or if they’re grammatical errors on the part of the article itself.

Simonton informed me that 23 chicken died since April 18th and thought maybe that may have been caused by the alleged Saucer. He sells eggs to customers in town here, and the sheriff, County Agricultural Agent and myself drove out, from a Health standpoint, to see IF the eggs might’ be affected by radiation. We took one diseased chicken to a local vet who “thought” the chicken MIGHT be sick from Food deficiency, and becoming cannibals, pecking at each other, where feathers drop off and kill each other. No Geiger was used however.

Overall: it seems that Simonton is adamant that what he experienced was real and that the pancakes were from real aliens. I guess if you were to explain the terrestrial nature of the pancakes, you could say that the aliens learned of the recipes that we use and tried to replicate it, only to botch it up because they hadn’t mastered the art of cooking human food. Though at the same time, it’s possible that Simonton was a naturally good liar. Still, the theories aren’t done, so let’s continue.

2. The “pancakes” were faked

The second theory is that the pancakes were fake and the whole story is nonsense.

Given that a Geiger counter wasn’t utilized after the whole incident, I find it hard to take the word of Simonton at face value. When there’s evidence of abnormally high radiation, I find it plausible that something is amiss. In this case, we have pancakes that are clearly not abnormal and we have the fallible word of a human to go off of. So on its own, this theory has a lot more weight to it than the previous one. Though at the same time, we also really lack anything to back it up beyond the fact the pancakes aren’t abnormal. So really, this is like an ouroboros; it’s a theory that eats its own tail. At least, in my eyes.

3. Joe was hypnotized

This is a theory that I found on Mysterious Universe. At the end of their article, they mention that there was a rumor that went around thanks to the infamous Raymond Palmer. If you’re not familiar with him, he was very famous for being what I can only describe as Alex Jones before Alex Jones was even a thing.

In a typical Raymon Palmer move, he put forth the idea that an Eagle River real estate broker had hypnotized Simonton in order to get him to sell his property. The reason? Well, our nameless, faceless real estate friend wanted to build a “miniature Disneyland”. Why? Heck if I know, real estate brokers are interesting enough people as is when it comes to deciding what land is perfect for whatever project they have in mind and our friend here must’ve thought that Simonton’s land was top-tier material for Mickey Mouse’s Ayy Lmao Rollercoaster.

This theory is one that I wouldn’t take seriously whatsoever. Raymond Palmer is a man who needs his own write-up to cover just how quacky he was, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t admire him. His influence in the realm of UFOlogy and the unexplained remains so influential that it’s thanks to him that I even write about it. Without the nonsensical material he provided the world, I never would’ve opted to keep this blog going. So, thanks Mr. Palmer.

4. Mental illness

The fourth and final theory is that Joe had an undiagnosed mental illness and he was going through an episode when this happened. It's probably the most plausible theory on its own, but without an official diagnosis, it remains up for debate.

My Take

This story really, really confuses me. On one hand, I find most stories about alien visitation to be total nonsense. On the other hand, a man who was judged as not appearing to be lying about his experience by an Air Force investigator, and who doesn’t appear to have a history of lying or fabricating things, really leaves me confused out of my mind. Sure, the pancakes appearing to be normal is odd, but I stand by the idea that maybe the aliens hadn’t mastered the art of cooking human food.

At the same time, the fact a Geiger counter wasn’t used is really odd and I think it’s very much possible that the entire thing was faked. Though for what reason? I can’t see any plausible reason that Simonton would want to become the center of ridicule, unless he thought it would improve his business because he’d be the “guy who met aliens”. Though for that time period? What good would it have served? Odds are, most people would see him as a kook.

This whole story just doesn’t make sense and bizarrely, I’m inclined to actually believe Simonton; that he wasn’t lying and that he really did meet aliens. The thought of faking this for attention just doesn’t make any sense to me. Unless he was delusional as heck and thought this would improve his business, I can’t see the benefit[s] of making this kind of thing up.

Now at the exact same time, I also think it's extremely plausible that Simonton was likely mentally ill. While I can't find any information about him having any sort of mental illness or having ever been checked for one, I think that his story—and the reaction from the general public—may be indictive of someone who has some sort of mental health problem. Though at the same time, I cannot prove this and as such, I leave it up to any sort of medical professional who reads this blog to make an assessment.


This has to be one of the weirdest stories I’ve ever covered. Sure, the Ririe Carjackers was a story that made next to no sense, but at least you could chalk that up to two drunk fools trying to blame something otherworldly. This, however, is something so bloody outlandish that I think it’s too insane to possibly fake. Though hey, that’s just me. I would love to know what you think of it, dear reader. Let me know and whatnot and as always: thanks for reading and I hope to see you all tomorrow!

No comments:

Post a Comment