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Sunday, May 24, 2020

Mystery: Food City Aliens

Shamelessly poached from the ObscUrban Legend Wiki. Also, this is the Food City logo.

Today’s story comes from the ObscUrban Legend Wiki. I had planned to cover it about two weeks ago, but I didn’t. I forget what story specifically I swapped it out for, but it was probably The Man in the Plastic Bag. Though I’m covering it now. It’s short, sweet, and quite funny. I call it the Food City Aliens.


The Story

Okay, I was lying a bit about it coming from the ObscUrban Legend Wiki. This story technically originates from a book called “Weird Virginia”. It’s a very, very short story and goes as follows: on April 28, 2006, a person—their gender isn’t stated—was driving by a Food City store in Vansant, Virginia. It was during this drive that they saw a flying disc hovering a mere five feet above the store. Suddenly, a thin, grey humanoid exited the saucer, grabbed a bystander by the neck, brought him into the saucer (the doors instantly snapped shut), and then it flew away.


That’s all there is to the story. I can’t find anything else on it beyond the page on the ObscUrban Legend Wiki and the entry in Weird Virginia. So I guess it’s time to go to the theories.


Theories


1. It’s real


The first theory is that this is a real story. In spite of the lack of evidence, there are a lot of people out there who are adamant that UFO sightings—no matter how crazy they may sound—are legitimate. This is no exception, though who’s really surprised?


2. It’s as fake as my self-esteem


The second and final theory is that this story is a complete and total hoax; a story made-up by the author of Weird Virginia or by someone who wanted to share a crazy, goofy story. Given how many insane sounding stories circulate on the Internet nowadays, I think it’s safe to assume that this is probably the case.


My Take


As I just implied: i don’t think this is a real story. To put it lightly, this story sounds ludicrous. It’s absolute nonsense that aliens could hover around, one could pop out, grab someone, then fly away and only one person saw them. Listen, I don’t think we’re alone in the universe, but that’s several million bridges too far. And yet, in spite of that, I still think this story is hysterical. Like, seriously: when I first read it, I was doubled over laughing. So hey, in spite of it being that crazy in my eyes, I guess I got some enjoyment out of this all. So, good on the hoaxer[s] in that regard.


Conclusion


In my entire life, I’ve never heard of anything like this story and I hope that you haven’t either because I don’t think there’s anything funnier than imagining a bunch of aliens in a supermarket. Goodness, I hope they don’t find any Kraft UFO-styled Macaroni and Cheese. Oh well, if they do, we had a good run. So until next time: stay safe and don’t get vaporized by our new alien overlords.

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