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Tuesday, January 15, 2019

What Could Have Been: Agent Crush

Agent Crush is a British puppet film that was slated for a release ten years ago. A trailer, poster, and three songs from the film’s soundtrack were released, but the film never arrived. Naturally, the question for such a long delay is, “what happened?” The film’s official website shut down long ago, but a quick search of the production company for the movie, Fantastic Films, still shows it listed. In fact, it lists it as being completed.

The poster for the film.
Time went by and there wasn’t so much as a peep from anyone involved in the film on what happened to it. That is, until June 28’th, 2011, when Wordpress user Mikecanex posted a blog about the film, wondering what had happened. It’s here that another user by the name of Jake Rayne posted the following comment on January 15’th, 2012.

As a disclaimer: I’ve changed absolutely none of the grammatical errors in this quote, and I will not be doing so for any of the following quotes in this blog.

i worked on the first one before it went down due to a variety of reasons it was an amateurish director and producer,

In June of that same year, another user replied stating they couldn’t find Agent Crush listed on their IMDb page. I, personally, cannot find anyone by the name of “Jake Rayne” on there. However, it would appear that I do not need to verify the claims of said person, as in January of the following year, the director, Sean Robinson, replied to the comment.

Jake Rayne, you are a liar, you never worked on Agent Crush before or after it restarted I know becuse I am the SO CALLED amateurish Director and Producer as for what happened to it watch this space.
By the way ifJ ake Rayne is your real name, i will be watching out for you

Strangely, three hours after posting that comment, the director posted another one with his name having been capitalized (the prior one was posted as sean robinson).

Hi Mike,
I’m Sean Robinson, writer, director and producer of Agent Crush. Forgive my outburst and I don’t normally vent at silly people who call me names but I find it extraordinary how people can be so unkind when they know nothing about me or how the film industry works.
Agent Crush has been a great success for me and has opened many opportunities in the industry. I appreciate your kind comments about the film and vote of confidence. I can’t go into all the reasons why it hasn’t come out yet but all I can say is that it was no fault of mine or because of the quality of the film. We continue to try to get it out there. Keep watching, your wish to see the finished film may come true soon!

Personally, I find the grammatical differences in the two messages extremely peculiar.  I also checked Wikipedia and IMDb and neither credits Robinson as a producer or executive producer on the film. The former credits one person, Richardly Jean-Charles, as the producer, while the latter credits three. They are, in order: Fred DeWysocki, Tony Ludwig, and Barrie Robinson (no relation to Sean as far as I can tell; his only other credit according to IMDb is being a music coordinator on 28 Days Later).

Regardless as to whether or not the commenter really was the director of the film, another individual came forward on the blog to share his story. This from someone by the name of clivebanks who commented on July 31’st of 2013.

I was an investor in Agent Crush. I thought the story line was simple but entertaining. The filming quality was pretty average, quite jerky. The voiceovers were great and had great expression from Brian Blessed and Rula Lenska amongst others. However the whole thing was very poorly managed and we had zero confidence in Sean who eventually sold the investors down the river by taking expensive loan financing rather than engaging properly with shareholders. If it had been managed properly this would have been a small hit, with a sequel already out and merchandise in the shops. I see in Companies House that Agent Crush has been newly incorporated May 2013, which would be a surprise to the shareholders in Agent Crush who never received notice of dissolution, no company accounts, or anything for several years!

Once more, several months later, on January 18’th of 2014, Sean Robinson replied again. It’s worth nothing, in my eyes at least, that this one’s name is spelled “sean Robinson”. Whether or not this is an accident or someone impersonating the director, I leave up to you. The grammatical errors, however, are in line with the first comment to use his name.

Well clive thank you for your expert coments, didnt know you were an expert film critic. Yes you were a minor investor in Agent Crush and glad to see you recieved your generous tax right off from the government. I did not persuade you to invest if I had met you at the investor meeting I would certainly not have accepted your money. I did not take expensive loan finacing from anyone, that part was managed by Haiburn who raised the finance to actually make the film, As for Agent Crush being newly incorporated in 2013 I know nothing about that. I was the one who faught for 4 years on your behalf to get the film released. I agree it was not properly managed but that was down to the two so called prodcers not doing their job properly and investors meddling in matters they know nothing about that caused the film to be shelved. As for my preformance in witting and directing the movie, well hollywod were very impressed indeed and you say that the voices were great an and had great expression from Brian and Rula, thanks very much for that compliment as it was me who got that out of them. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but you should stick to the facts when you decide to attack someone. I too have have learned a lot from the Agent Crush affair, mainly be very carefull who you go into business with.

About twenty minutes later, the same person replied.

I remember you approached me at the crew showing and you said that you hated it, well the other 963 people there loved it which included all of the other my grandad used to say, you can’t please all of the people all of the time. Especially someone who deliberatly refuses to like anything or anyone.

Since then, there have been no more comments from either Robinson or “banks” on the blog and there hasn’t been so much as a peep from the production company or any of the actors in regards to the film as far as I can tell. Robinson, however, has directed numerous short films, so at least his career hasn’t been tarnished by the film.

The same cannot be said for the actual film though, which is likely to never see the light of day unless the rights to the film revert directly back to Robinson and he self funds its release entirely.


  1. Tyler "Bio" RodriguezJanuary 16, 2019 at 3:38 PM

    Well this is an absolute clusterfuck. Nothing short of it. This film managed to outlive Roger Moore, how sad is that.

  2. Well, it's finally available:;_2008)