Conspiracy: Real Humans Died Out Millennia Ago

 

How goes it, oh dear reader? For me: it goes swimmingly. The weather’s gotten so much cooler, the autumn breeze feels like paradise on Earth, and most of all: I’m writing! I’ve also been cited on Reddit and /pol/, so that’s really cool too.

Speaking of Reddit, I was snooping around on the thread where someone had linked my 2006 Volleyball Incident write-up (which remains my most popular one to date and it makes me so glad to know that I wrote something of merit). It was on this post that I shamelessly advertised myself and acted like a hotshot for about 3 seconds in real life that I decided to find some material to write about.

Scrolling through the post, there were a lot of great ideas. Sentient soy (soyface.jpg anyone?), The Simpsons is real footage, pancreas denial (I can hear a good friend of mine ripping his hair out and flying to the United States to kick me in the stomach until my esophagus is ejected from my back), and God’s Last Wish were but three that I floated around. Alas, they weren’t chosen as I have absolutely no desire to cover them. Well, maybe I’ll cover the one on The Simpsons sometime soon.

After this, I gave up for a few and stared at the ceiling reconsidering my life choices. I wondered why I bothered writing and suffered from a melodramatic episode where I angrily punched the wall and broke my knuckles. Okay, all of that is a lie, I scrolled up to the top of the page and looked at the top comment. It was asking what exactly real humans died out millennia ago was about. Such a notion like that is ripe for creative fiction and for speculation. So today, let’s go over it. This is in no ways pandering to the entire post in hopes that I garner more of a following. No, really, it isn’t. I’m just bored and want to cover something silly. So come along, dear reader! Let’s cover this weird theory and see if reality is weirder than we think it is.

Mystery: The Flannan Isles Lighthouse

 

This story is dedicated to my friend Jif. Thank you for being so supportive.

Lighthouses: they can tell you a thousand stories from the outside. Within their interiors, the number increases a thousandfold. They’re simplistic demeanor and lonesome, desolate atmosphere is a brilliant masquerade put on by the even more simplistic architectural structure. In simpler terms: lighthouses are unique. For something that ends up being a home for a man to help bring seafaring men and women back to shore, they end up telling you more stories than a war veteran can. Whether that be due to the isolatory nature (which is a case of depression waiting to happen) of them or because of sick sailors arriving back at shore to seek treatment.

Lighthouses also typically become secondary homes for their keepers; this in turn leads to them becoming haunted beyond belief. Big Bay Lighthouse and St. Augustine’s Lighthouse are two that come to mind when one thinks of a haunted cigarette-building (at least here in the United States). Though the haunted variety of these buildings will have to wait until December. For now, I want to shift the focus onto something a lot more unique.

As stated earlier: lighthouses are a case of depression waiting to happen and this is by no means hyperbole. They are, through and through, something that can drive a man insane. You needn’t look further than watching 2019’s The Lighthouse to feel like you’re going mad—especially if you thought that Robert “Battinson” Pattinson couldn’t act. Though really, can you blame anyone? Isolation from human contact—or being stuck in a building with other people you loathe—is bound to drive someone to lose their mind. So what do you do? Well, some may say you’d kill the people you don’t like, throw them to the waves, and then pretend that they “fell into the ocean”. Others may suggest you quit. Then some may say you jump into the ocean and become an ocean man.

Unlike most other times on this blog, that question is not something I will discard because it serves as a segway into another topic entirely. Rather, that question is part of today’s story through and through. The Flannan Isles Lighthouse is notorious for a great many reasons. Known as the location where three lighthouse keepers vanished, this guiding light for many a sailor was the inspiration for the aforementioned film The Lighthouse and conjures numerous images of lonesomeness and silence. So let us take a trip to over a century ago and seek out the truth to one of the world’s most maddening unsolved disappearance cases.

What Could Have Been: Dead Island 2 (Rewrite)

 

When I look back on the work I did from last year—specifically early last year—I often wince. Stylistically, it feels way too self-serious and lacks the spark that I think my current work has. Heck, even stuff from early this year feels like it doesn’t have the seem pizazz that I think my most recent work has. As such, I’ve really wanted to take time to slowly rewrite some of the pieces that I’m passionate about or that hold a special place in my heart.

Now, while I won’t devote, say, a week or something to rewriting piece after piece, I want to take a bit of time to rewrite another one as the game in question holds a special place in my heart as the original is a low-key favorite of mine. That and something happened back in June of this year that I think is worth mentioning. As such, today, I want to go back and rewrite the piece I did on the still unreleased video game Dead Island 2. So, with the sun shining, the warm California breeze in our hair, and with the growling of zombies filling the air, let’s dive headfirst into the apocalypse!

Mystery: Wendigo

Good morning, dear reader. At least, it’s morning as of the time of this posting. Let’s take a trip into the woods together. It’s a terrifying place full of mystery; a desolate land where one can become attuned to nature. However, it’s also a land of danger. Wild animals reside here and while most are docile, this is their home and should you get too close to, say, a mama bear and her cub, you can find yourself ending up like the Grizzly Man.

Today’s story is going to be a rather short, brisk one. After the monstrously lengthy tale of Jack the Ripper, I want to take a moment to sit back, relax, and channel our inner demon[s] into a story. I wish for you to do just this; look inside of yourself. Unleash all of the anger and wrath inside of you. Now go clean up the mess you made; your home is a wreck.

All done? Good, now that you have manifested a Wendigo, start running. That thing’s going to eat you, your family, your puppy, and your neighbors. Seriously, run. It’s right behind you and it smells of blood and copper.

Mystery: WR 104

Oh hey, welcome to my blog once more dear reader. Today, we’re going off to the final frontier: space. Home to more lifelessness than a congressional hearing, space is a fascinating place and it’s actually what I had my sights set on before I found my passion for writing (I had aspirations to be an astronomer). By and large, it’s not the most interesting thing to look at; the distance between Earth and the Moon is so vast that, when furthest from us, you could fit every single planet between us and the Moon.

Indeed, there’s a lot of nothing in space, but that doesn’t make it uninteresting. The prospect of life on other planets is a fascinating one and to colonize a planet such as Mars is something that would be fascinating; one thing I hope to see in my life is for humanity to step foot on another world.

Mystery: Jack the Ripper

 

Having grown up with a father who’s a law enforcement officer, my childhood was heavily influenced by shows centered on crime and stories of those who committed acts of evil being caught. This ranged from Scooby-Doo to Forensic Files and America’s Most Wanted, all of which I greatly enjoyed.

As life went on, my fascination in these stories only grew. While I never planned on pursuing a career in law enforcement (not that I could at this point given my physical disabilities), I always loved to read about how these horrible people would slip up and get caught and what their motivations were. It has never ceased to blow my mind as to how little it takes for someone to decide that they’ll take another human’s life. That’s not even touching on unsolved crimes, which are even more fascinating in my eyes. The many questions that surround them really put into perspective the tagline to the 2007 film Zodiac. There’s more than one way to lose your life to a killer.

This brings me to today’s story. Our subject today has brought many detectives and sleuths—amateur and professional—to their knees. So, if you would be so kind as to join me, let’s take a gander at one of the luckiest humans to have ever lived. This is the story of Jack the Ripper.

Mystery: The Bloop

The ocean: it makes up most of our planet and is home to a great many fascinating and majestic creatures. Dolphins, sharks, whales, squids, and Jason Mamoa are but a few of the magnificent denizens that lurk in the depths of its comfy, blue surface. It’s below this surface that a great many mysteries lurk: the Mariana Trench Sea Serpent, reports of living plesiosaurs, underwater civilizations, living megalodons, and many other stories come from sailors, fishermen, and average Joes alike. It’s a place of wonder, awe, and fascination. So it should come as no surprise that upwards of 95% of the ocean remains unexplored. 

Despite so much of the ocean not being explored, most of us often look to the stars to colonize Mars and proclaim Elon Musk as our God-Emperor, Indeed, we likely know more about the cosmos than we do about the vast majority of our own planet. Every year, new species of animals are discovered in and out of the ocean, so if you were to ask me: I would say we should start diving down into the depths more often.

As you may have guessed by now: today’s story will do just that, though it holds an “official” explanation. So why cover it? Well, I received this story as a request last year and attempted to write it. Although I was successful, the end result was something I was very disappointed with; it was like a half-baked Wikipedia article. So I deleted it and decided to focus my efforts elsewhere (I believe I went on to write about the 3x Killer after scrapping it).

From there, I let the idea collect dust until now, a little under one year later. I’m feeling a lot more motivated and want to take a shot at what’s known as the Bloop once more. So from hell’s heart I shall stab at thee! Let us dive into the ocean and see what the truth is behind this enigmatic sound.