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Saturday, July 24, 2021

Mystery: Az’-i-wû-gûm Ki-mukh’-ti


Once upon a time, there was a website called Mystery Archive. I wrote a whopping two articles there, and one is now lost to time. It was the one I wish I could’ve found, but the Internet Archive doesn’t have the page and I am very sad. Lucky for me, I could find this one! So, due to that website appearing to be dead, I will now post it here. Woo-hoo!

Salutations, dear reader. Tell me: are you a believer in the unknown? I know I am. I love to read about cryptids of all types: Sasquatch, Nessie, Mothman, and the reason that gas prices are obscene. However, those creatures are normal; they’re simplistic in their appearance and in their names.

Indeed, cryptids can have some funny names. Whether it’s the Nyagwaiheogwa (Naked Bear) from upstate New York or the ten-legged Qupqugiaq, there’s more than a few creatures that have names that can—and most likely will—make you do a double take.

One of those creatures with funny names is the focus of today’s story. It’s known as the Az’-i-wû-gûm Ki-mukh’-ti. If you’re wondering how to pronounce that, then so am I. Though if you ask me: I don’t think pronunciation is all that important. After all, we must first discover what this creature is and that’s why I’m writing about it. So let’s grab some snow gear and head to Greenland and Alaska!

The Story

The Az’-i-wû-gûm Ki-mukh’-ti is known as the “Walrus Dog” to the Inuit people. It’s said to resemble a large walrus, though that statement doesn’t quite ring true when I read the description of the creature itself. I’m going to echo the statements of the It’s Something wiki and Cryptidz Wiki since I don’t think there’s any other way I can quite put how not-walrus and not-dog like this thing is.

Said to be capable of killing a human with a single blow from its tail, the Az’-i-wû-gûm Ki-mukh’-ti is said to be similar to a large dog, yet is smaller than a walrus. It has a long, slender body (though most drawings and paintings of it show it to be bulky like a walrus). It has a long, powerful rounded tail and it’s covered with thick, black scales. As such, weapons like spears are ineffective against it. It’s also said to live amongst herds of walruses, so I have no idea how a creature so different from them isn’t seen as a threat or an outcast. I’m no zoologist though, so maybe walruses are accepting of their walrus-dog compadres.

Anyways, that isn’t the end of the description of the Az’-i-wû-gûm Ki-mukh’-ti (man do I love saying that). You see, this thing isn’t just “similar” to both the walrus and of man’s best friend. Nay, this thing is something straight out of a game like No Man’s Sky. It’s said to have the head of a whale and the legs of a dog. As such, the Az’-i-wû-gûm Ki-mukh’-ti is capable of living both on land and in the frigid waters.

Behavior wise, the Az’-i-wû-gûm Ki-mukh’-ti is said to be quite hostile. It’s alleged to have attacked an umiak and killed everyone that was on board it. This has led to the Inuit people to fear the creature and view it as a man-killer. It’s also been noted that due to the knowledge they have of the lands they reside in, it’s unlikely they mistook a normal walrus for something so aggressive and terrifying.

Though is that truly the case?

Well, in the past, some people have mistaken one animal for something else (such as a bear standing up-right for a Bigfoot-type creature). We’re also not infallible and as such, we can make silly errors in what we see. Beyond that, we only have the word of the Inuit to go off of as there’s never been any sort of hard evidence for the creature. No photographs, no scales found, no corpse, no fecal matter, not even a paw print. As such, we’ll now move onto the theories section.


1. It’s a misidentified walrus

The first theory that we have is that the Az’-i-wû-gûm Ki-mukh’-ti is in fact just a walrus. I’ve already stated that it’s unlikely that the Inuit’s mistook this creature for a normal walrus, but legends are often born from places in reality. As such, it’s possible that an exceptionally large, aggressive walrus was what served as the basis for what’s now known as the walrus-dog.

2. It’s a legend

The second theory is similar to the first, except there’s no real basis in reality. Rather, the cryptid known as the Az’-i-wû-gûm Ki-mukh’-ti is merely a legend that stood the test of time. As is the case with many legends, people claim to have seen the monster and it helps to fuel the story. This has happened with stories like the Goatman; people say that they see the devilish axe-wielding fiend in real life and it keeps the story as alive as Paul McCartney.

Yes, he’s alive, don’t test me.

3. It’s something else

The third and final theory is that the beast with a name so long, I’ve given up copy and pasting it is in fact something else entirely. In this case, a new species of walrus or an offshoot of an extinct seal that evolved into something aggressive, predatorial, and downright ugly. Given the remote nature of places like Greenland, it’s possible there’s something terrifying waiting to be discovered up there. We’d just need to go ahead and explore it (and hopefully not all freeze to death).

My Take

If you ask me: I believe the Az’-i-wû-gûm Ki-mukh’-ti to be nothing more than a legend that survived throughout the years. While I don’t think it’s impossible for there to be something ferocious residing up north, I’m doubtful that this creature is what the Inuit have seen. Though that’s just me. Lord Buzzkillington. First and last of his kind. He who melts the polar ice caps to lure out the Az’-i-wû-gûm Ki-mukh’-ti.

God I’m lame.


Ultimately, the answer to what the Az’-i-wû-gûm Ki-mukh’-ti is is up to you. With little to go off of, I believe that it’s best if you make up your mind. After all, there’s no fun in simply deeming something to be fake and saying that all who believe in it are wrong or foolish. As such, I’d love it if you sounded off in the comments below with what you think. Do you believe the beast with an unpronounceable name is real? Or do you think it’s just a legend?

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