Decemystery (2022.3) 2: The Elizaville Monster (AKA: Tall, Dark, & Gruesome)

 

There’s nothing I dislike about writing more than introductions. This disliking extends to talking, too; I’m terrible at initiating a conversation unless I absolutely know what I want to say to someone. But when it comes to writing, I never exactly know what will get someone’s attention since my writing style is very similar to how I talk. In fact, when I write, I do so in a manner where I envision myself outright talking to someone. So I never feel like I’m “comfortable” (for lack of a better word) until I’m actually talking about whatever the main focus of the write-up is about.

As such, there are times when I sometimes just wonder if I should simply do away with these introductions and instead jump right into the main story. Alas, I don’t like change, and to be honest, when I do find some footing with the introduction, I feel like it adds something to the overall write-up. It all comes together to form a nice, delightful story of strange/mysterious/Fortean goodness.

However, with today’s write-up, I must concede that I don’t think any introduction could quite prepare anyone for what’s to come. No, it isn’t gory (though there is some pretty gnarly stuff), nor is it shocking. Rather, it’s the name of the story—which I have a good feeling you chose to read because of that name.

With a name like the Elizaville Monster, I feel one would be likely to assume it’s another Bigfoot-type monster. There are more of those said to be in the United States than there are butthurt football fans any given Sunday.

However, this thing’s second name is what drew me in. You see, this thing is also known as Tall, Dark, & Gruesome. With a name like that, I must admit that there was absolutely no way that I wouldn’t pass up the chance to cover this. I mean, that name is just glorious. Even if this had absolutely nothing on it and was brought up once on 4chan, I would still cover it. As luck would have it, the story itself is pretty interesting and has more than just a few sentences on some niche Wiki.

So come along, dear reader, let’s take a gander at one of Indiana’s strangest murderous paranormal cryptids! Good God, I think that sentence is a crime against literature. I love it.

Decemystery (2023) 1: That Time a Dog Was Seen Eating Cereal with a Spoon

 

Well, hello there, dear reader! Welcome back to my blog, which is now officially back in business and primed for a month of mysteries and oddness! Indeed, if you read the previous post, you’ll know that there are two concurrent Decemysterys going on. One is for last year (since I was out of commission for almost all of 2022), while the other is for this year. If you didn’t read the post that’s below this one, then, well, you know that now!

This, as you can plainly see, is the inaugural entry for this year! It’s a story that I recall seeing a few years ago and actually really enjoyed reading. However, it wasn’t until this year that I dug a bit more into it and decided it could be worth writing about for a little bit of fun. Besides, it features a dog, and I love dogs. I own a dog! He’s the best boy.

Anyway, without further delay (since I did most of the talking in the post before this one), let’s begin the second Decemystery with a story that exemplifies the term “High Strangeness.” It’s the story of That Time a Dog Was Seen Eating Cereal with a Spoon, and it—as stated above—went viral a few years back. So come along, dear reader; it’s time for yet another round of the oddest tales from around the world. Decemystery 2023 begins now!

Decemystery (2022.3) 1: The TED Talk "There Is Nothing" Incident

 

Hello there, dear reader! I have no real idea whether or not you will have read any sort of update by the time you’re reading this. If you are, then you likely know what my plans are for this year. If you haven’t read an update, then there’s a good chance that I never bothered to post a single thing the entire year (which likely has made my blog look like it was abandoned). Now, why don't I post an update? Well, I’m scared of making a promise and breaking it—again.

So, for the sake of providing one before we get into the fun, allow me to explain something. Brain fog sucks. Brain fog that lasts an entire year really sucks. Brain fog that stops you from doing the one thing that you believe you’re good at really, really sucks. Indeed, that’s pretty much the one and only reason that I never posted anything last year (a year which I had hoped would be my biggest and best year to date). Thanks, COVID! You robbed me of a year of my life.

Anyway, because of that, there was no Decemystery 2022. However, I’m nothing if not committed to saying that I’ve done a Decemystery each and every year. So, for this year, there will be not one but two Decemystery series! The first will be known as Decemystery 2022.3 and will be posted at 6:00 a.m. Eastern time. The second will be Decemystery 2023 and will be posted an hour later. This is the inaugural story of the first of those two. Also, I hope you don’t hate me for not posting anything of merit last year (besides a review of a really awful horror film). If you do hate me, all I can say is I’m sorry, and I deeply regret not posting more updates last year to let you all know what my health status was.

And then, immediately after writing this part of the introduction, I decided to post an update on the blog to alert people I was writing again. Why didn’t I delete this part? Because I wanted to pad the word count. No, really, that’s the only reason. :^)

So, confession time: I’ve never seen The Matrix. I know, that’s probably the worst thing to ever be uttered by any human being, but it’s true. Though I haven’t seen it, I am still very much aware of a great many things about it. For example, I know that Keanu Reeves starred in it, I know of bullet time, I know of the red and blue pills (take both pills at once, anons), and I know there was no spoon.

Now that I have confessed to my greatest cinematic sin and every Matrix fan is gone and preparing their cat-o’-nine-tails for my inevitable torturing, allow me to get this ball a-rollin’. I want to hone in on the concept of there being “no spoon.” I’m sure that most—if not all—of you are familiar with the “simulation theory.” If you aren’t, it’s the theory that reality is just some, well, simulation. Basically, we live in The Sims. Truly, this is a fate worse than Alt+F4.

The simulation theory is a controversial one, to be sure. It has its proponents and its dissidents, and whether the former spend their days trying their best to activate cheat codes within the hypothetical simulation is up for debate. Should any succeed, I hope they use those cheat codes for good and also help me get back the time I wasted watching Pride & Prejudice & Zombies in theaters.

Anyway, let’s get back on track. All of this rambling does have a point, and it’s one that I’ve struggled to make for quite some time. You see, I’m not a believer in the simulation theory, nor am I fond of it. Despite that, I never try to let my personal views or beliefs dictate what I write about or how I write about something. That doesn’t always end up being the case, though; sometimes, my personal beliefs end up taking over and end up with something extraordinarily narrow-minded or biased. However, in those cases, it’s usually something that I believe isn’t going to upset a lot of people—barring Nibiru (which I would like to one day do a rewrite on since I think my biased views on that make it an unpleasant read).

So, what am I trying to get at? Well, at the time of this writing (which is in January of this year), I’m finally getting back into writing after close to a year of not having done any. As such, I wanted to start off with something that I would consider easy, and today’s story fit the bill for me. Coincidentally, it’ll also be an exercise in me not inserting any personal beliefs or biased comments.

That story hails from one of the many, many Conspiracy Theory Icebergs. Known as the TED Talk “There Is Nothing” Incident, this is something I would expect to find on a creepypasta website. That would actually be preferable, given how absurdly difficult it was to find anything on this story, but I digress. This is something I’ve had on my radar for a few years now, and I finally wish to cover it today. So come along, dear reader. It’s time for Decemystery 2022.3 to begin, and it’s time to find out if there really is anything to the story that claims there really is nothing.

This blog’s coauthor/my best friend has a YouTube channel!

Go check it out; the first video is on the history of serial killers!

Yes, I am still writing

This is just a post to let you all know that I am still writing. Progress has been coming along and I hope that come this December, you'll all love what I have in store for you. Thank you all for still visiting this blog. <3

    Sincerely, Vertigo.

I'm back to writing.

To the five people who still probably visit this blog, I am back to writing. However, I doubt I'll be posting anything new for the foreseeable future as I want to do two Decemystery series' this year. I think that would be a good way to make up for the lack of one last year. Still, I am writing again. Hooray!

A long, long overdue update

Hi, dear reader! I’m back from getting the milk. I think you deserve to have an update—it’s only been most of the year after all!

Brain fog. That’s what’s been screwing me over for the entire year. Well, that plus stress, an aunt of mine dying unexpectedly, and the stress of moving. Yeah, 2022 has sucked—massively. The whole of the 2020s has sucked, but this year in particular has been exceptionally bad. Getting COVID back in February really put a hamper in my plans for the year. I’ve been meaning to post an update too, but whenever I’d consider doing it, I could never put my thoughts into words. Everything would sound awful, and I wanted the update to be accompanied by a promise that I would begin to write again soon. However, I knew that wouldn’t be the case; I knew for a fact that, even if I tried, my attempts at writing would be futile. So I just kept putting it off.

So why am I posting now? Well, I’ll actually be moving soon—hopefully within the next three or so weeks. Though on top of that, I wanted to at least let those who visit this blog actually know it isn’t dead, and that I’m also not dead. So… yeah, that’s all I’ve really got. I’m hoping that I will still do Decemystery this year, and I hope that you’ve all been doing well. Thank you for still visiting if you still do; it means the world to me.

Sincerely, Vertigo