Hello there, dear reader! I have no real idea whether or not you will have read any sort of update by the time you’re reading this. If you are, then you likely know what my plans are for this year. If you haven’t read an update, then there’s a good chance that I never bothered to post a single thing the entire year (which likely has made my blog look like it was abandoned). Now, why don't I post an update? Well, I’m scared of making a promise and breaking it—again.
So, for the sake of providing one before we get into the fun, allow me to explain something. Brain fog sucks. Brain fog that lasts an entire year really sucks. Brain fog that stops you from doing the one thing that you believe you’re good at really, really sucks. Indeed, that’s pretty much the one and only reason that I never posted anything last year (a year which I had hoped would be my biggest and best year to date). Thanks, COVID! You robbed me of a year of my life.
Anyway, because of that, there was no Decemystery 2022. However, I’m nothing if not committed to saying that I’ve done a Decemystery each and every year. So, for this year, there will be not one but two Decemystery series! The first will be known as Decemystery 2022.3 and will be posted at 6:00 a.m. Eastern time. The second will be Decemystery 2023 and will be posted an hour later. This is the inaugural story of the first of those two. Also, I hope you don’t hate me for not posting anything of merit last year (besides a review of a really awful horror film). If you do hate me, all I can say is I’m sorry, and I deeply regret not posting more updates last year to let you all know what my health status was.
And then, immediately after writing this part of the introduction, I decided to post an update on the blog to alert people I was writing again. Why didn’t I delete this part? Because I wanted to pad the word count. No, really, that’s the only reason. :^)
So, confession time: I’ve never seen The Matrix. I know, that’s probably the worst thing to ever be uttered by any human being, but it’s true. Though I haven’t seen it, I am still very much aware of a great many things about it. For example, I know that Keanu Reeves starred in it, I know of bullet time, I know of the red and blue pills (take both pills at once, anons), and I know there was no spoon.
Now that I have confessed to my greatest cinematic sin and every Matrix fan is gone and preparing their cat-o’-nine-tails for my inevitable torturing, allow me to get this ball a-rollin’. I want to hone in on the concept of there being “no spoon.” I’m sure that most—if not all—of you are familiar with the “simulation theory.” If you aren’t, it’s the theory that reality is just some, well, simulation. Basically, we live in The Sims. Truly, this is a fate worse than Alt+F4.
The simulation theory is a controversial one, to be sure. It has its proponents and its dissidents, and whether the former spend their days trying their best to activate cheat codes within the hypothetical simulation is up for debate. Should any succeed, I hope they use those cheat codes for good and also help me get back the time I wasted watching Pride & Prejudice & Zombies in theaters.
Anyway, let’s get back on track. All of this rambling does have a point, and it’s one that I’ve struggled to make for quite some time. You see, I’m not a believer in the simulation theory, nor am I fond of it. Despite that, I never try to let my personal views or beliefs dictate what I write about or how I write about something. That doesn’t always end up being the case, though; sometimes, my personal beliefs end up taking over and end up with something extraordinarily narrow-minded or biased. However, in those cases, it’s usually something that I believe isn’t going to upset a lot of people—barring Nibiru (which I would like to one day do a rewrite on since I think my biased views on that make it an unpleasant read).
So, what am I trying to get at? Well, at the time of this writing (which is in January of this year), I’m finally getting back into writing after close to a year of not having done any. As such, I wanted to start off with something that I would consider easy, and today’s story fit the bill for me. Coincidentally, it’ll also be an exercise in me not inserting any personal beliefs or biased comments.
That story hails from one of the many, many Conspiracy Theory Icebergs. Known as the TED Talk “There Is Nothing” Incident, this is something I would expect to find on a creepypasta website. That would actually be preferable, given how absurdly difficult it was to find anything on this story, but I digress. This is something I’ve had on my radar for a few years now, and I finally wish to cover it today. So come along, dear reader. It’s time for Decemystery 2022.3 to begin, and it’s time to find out if there really is anything to the story that claims there really is nothing.
