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Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Top 20 Favorite Creepypastas

I may not convey it well, but I do like creepypastas. It just so happens the vast majority aren't very good. Still, I do have some I really like. So, after four months, here are my twenty favorite creepypastas.

Special delivery.

I was torn on whether this spot should go to The Rake or this story. In the end, I went with this one. Neither story is good by any stretch of the imagination, but this one is much shorter and as such, has less time to fumble it's incredibly simplistic premise.

Inspired by the Doctor Who episode “Blink”, Weeping Angel centers on a man and his pregnant wife who are looking for a house. They're about to buy one when they notice some weird angel statues outside and a pigeon that's made its nest inside. The wife says it's a bad omen—a belief the husband says makes her “strange”. However, he also notes that the house suddenly looks creepy. This is enough for him to go look at other houses. The next one has more creepy angel statues and Cupid wielding a scythe. Alas, the real estate agent is nowhere to he seen. To make matters worse, an angel statue is chasing our heroes.

As an opening “chapter”, it's… something. There's zero build up, though the story manages to do more than all but one of accounts in The Rake managed to. On its own, I’d at least say the story could function as a short film. Alas, that's not the end of the story. No, there are two “chapters” and both seem to be in a contest to try and outdo each other for the title of silliest chapter.

The first takes place two years later. The husband says his wife is in a rocking chair next to him and is counting down. In spite of telling her to stop, she won’t. He guesses it’s stress. Also revealed is that he and his wife are living with a friend of the husband, whose name is Bill. He’s described as “a little weird”, a descriptive that makes me think the husband is the type of person who thinks everyone but him is normal. Then, while he says he hopes the baby is okay, the chapter suddenly ends.

Chapter three… well, I’ll just copy and paste it because it’s a gem.

Police Report
The bodies of two men and a woman have been found. The investigation on Taverly Street will close down the entire city. A strange killer is on the loose, it seems. Stay indoors, lock up, and keep your expensive things out of sight. This is classified as a urban attack. Please, stay indoors. You may be killed on sight.

On its own, Weeping Angel is far from being the worst thing I’ve ever read. It’s mercifully short and has a decent enough premise that it could feasibly work as something. Sadly, that something isn’t realized in the slightest. It’s worth noting though that there are sequels to this story—sequels that I haven’t bothered to read as I’d rather dive into them if I ever opt to riff this one. Until that day, it’s a functional-ish story on its own. I don’t recommend reading it though unless you want to sate your curiosity.

She seems so content.

A story that I feel would be better served as a short film than a creepypasta,
The Expressionless is easily my biggest creepypasta guilty pleasure.

Taking place in Los Angeles, this story centers on a mysterious woman—one who’s said to resemble a mannequin—who enters a hospital, her gown caked in blood. She spits out a kitten that was inside her mouth and is rushed to a room. It’s there that things begin to go south quickly until we hit an ending that sounds like it’d make for a pretty cool action scene. Alas, it was not meant to be.

While the riff for this story I wrote was kind to say the least (something I wish I’d done differently), I still retain my opinion that this story isn’t that bad. Underwhelming, absolutely. Dull, sure. But I think it’s better than the plethora of asinine horror stories that plague the creepypasta fandom. It’s imperfect, but I think it works. It also has a special place in my heart as it’s one of the first creepypasta I read. I don’t recommend reading it though unless you read my riff, which I do highly recommend you read!

#18: Persuaded

This could all be solved if you just plant some pea shooters.

Persuaded is a very neat take on the idea of a zombie apocalypse. What was thought to be an oil tanker spill turns out to have been the start of the zombie apocalypse. Only, they aren’t the slow shambling types. No, they’re running, crashing through windows, and all around much scarier than George A. Romero had ever dreamed of them being.

Our nameless hero is introduced about five paragraphs into this story and is revealed to have be chased by some zombies and flees into his bathroom where he hides out. Eventually, his front door is busted down and the zombies rush to the bathroom door because they can sense his fear and the zombies tell him that it’s not so bad to be a zombie. Time passes and he wonders if they’re right.

If you think I’m leaving anything out, I’m not. This story is very shallow and uncreative, a fact that makes its popularity all the more baffling to me. While I do like it for what it manages to do in that short period of time, I don’t think it’s worth reading. Don’t worry though: this is the last of the “I don’t think you should read it” entries. I needed three filler spots as I was unable to find 20 stories I genuinely liked. Rather, there are only 17. Sorry. Also, this is the last time I’ll spoil the entire story.

Gotta Kill 'em All, POKEMON!

I don’t like Pokemon creepypastas. That said, Pokemon: Lost Silver, while unoriginal beyond belief, is readable.

The story centers on a college who tells us how excited he was for the release of Pokemon HeartGold and SoulSilver. Having barred himself from any and all media access—save for school—our main character tells us when that after he finished his school year, he went to replay Crystal to revisit the good old days. Then he realizes his mom threw out his Crystal cartridge, along with his Silver cartridge.

After rushing to GameStop and paying ten bucks for a copy of Silver, (a rip off if I may say) our hero goes home to finally revisit the good old days. However, spooky stuff ensues and the blood and missing limbs are only moments behind.

Lost Silver does nothing new in the way of what one can expect from a Pokemon creepypasta. The game isn’t right, there’s blood, Pokemon die, and there are tense swaps coming out of every orifice. By that logic, I should hate it and yeah, I kinda do. Though what I like about it is mostly due to my disliking of many video game creepypastas. The main character, to his credit, isn’t crying at the sight of the characters bleeding like Tom from Sonic.exe does. He does complain about what the “sick fuck” that made the game was thinking and whatnot, but I’m thankful we weren’t subjected to, “I started crying, I couldn’t believe what was happening! Tears welled up in my eyes and I was sad because Pikachu was blood and then a skeleton came out and did the Fortnite dance over my blood tears!”

Although none of that excuses the numerous grammatical errors and the cliches that infest this story, it’s a significantly more bearable and competent Pokemon creepypasta. I only recommend it if you like these kinds of stories. I’ll also be riffing this soon since there’s some great material at the ready.

As a bonus: someone turned this entire creepypasta into a functioning rom hack. So, that’s cool!

#16: Slender Man

Hey, want some candy?

Technically speaking,
Slender Man isn’t a creepypasta by origin; he came to be thanks to a photo contest on Somethingawful. Despite that, he’s become synonymous with creepypastas and is now often associated alongside such stories as Jeff the Killer and BEN Drowned.

The story to Slender Man is extremely simple: a tall, humanoid creature (typically depicted as being anywhere from 9 feet tall to 15 feet tall) with tentacles takes away children who go into the forest. He wears a stylish business suit and has no face whatsoever, nor does he have hair. At the heart of the story: Slender Man is one that relies mostly on atmosphere and an not seeing the creature himself, but knowing his presence is near.

This is why far more often than not, authors that use Slender Man in their Jeff knock off stories (I’m looking at you, Silent Sonya) manage to strip the character of everything other than his name and appearance, instead thinking the character can be used for cheap gore scares.

If you want to enjoy Slender Man as it should enjoy, click here and watch Marble Hornets. I’m sure there’s a decent creepypasta that features Slender Man out there, but I think it’s better if you enjoy something enigmatic in nature like the creature himself. Because of this however, I’m putting Slender Man this low on the list because this is about creepypastas—as in stories—and not web horror series that utilize atmosphere and tension to be scary.

Now if only Sony could figure that out when making their garbage movies.

Behold: the worst film of 2018.

Burn baby burn. Disco Inferno!

Sporting a mere six paragraph—the sixth consisting of one sentence—
Where the Bad Kids Go is a story that works mostly thanks to it managing to make a fair amount out of little. Even if it would’ve benefited heavily from more build up.

The story centers on a strange children’s show that aired in Lebanon while a war was raging. Our nameless hero, who says he was six or seven at the time, tells us about a show that he believes was made by the government to keeps kids in place and teach them “uptight morals”. Said morals were things like “bad kids stay up late” and “bad kids have their hands under the covers when they sleep”. The author goes onto state that the show was in Arabic, but he didn’t understand it; he merely understood the images that were shown.

At the end of each episode, a rusted, closed door would be shown. As the camera drew closer to the door, screaming could be heard. Text in Arabic would then appear which read, “That’s where the bad kids go”.

Fifteen or sixteen years later (no, I don’t know why the author felt the need to be indecisive about this) our hero has become a journalistic photographer and decides to investigate the show. After finding the location the studio, he goes to it and finds it abandoned; a fact that’s been true since “the big war ended”.

Inside, the author says that it’s been burnt out; either by a fire that broke out or someone who wanted to burn the wooden furniture. He also claims that he spent “a few hours” exploring, yet never shares any of the creepy things he sees until he reaches the door that was shown at the end of each episode. I won’t spoil that though.

I can’t guarantee that you’d enjoy this story as it’s short, to the point, and doesn’t build up enough tension to be impactful in how scary it is. Maybe you will. Maybe you won’t. Just know that if you don’t like it, you may end up going where the bad kids go.

This is only image that didn't feel like a direct spoiler to the ending. I'm rather sad, but whatever. We'll get to this story soon enough.

I love this story... the first two thirds anyways. It’s so atmospheric, so eerie, and so simplistic. There is no paranormal activity, no crazy person trying to murder our hero, it’s a trip through an abandoned park with an atmosphere and unsettling possibilities; drug dealers and homeless people who will kill you for trying to take what’s theirs to name but two.

As just stated: this story centers on someone who’s going to explore an abandoned park that was once owned and operated by Disney. The story goes on from there and I can’t say enough how much I enjoyed its very… simplistic nature. We follow our main character as he explores the place; the stories prose helping to establish an effective and eerie atmosphere that makes the journey through everything strangely fun. Especially when the disembodied voices of others enters the fray. Maybe I’m a bit odd since I find the idea of exploring an abandoned facility or town fun, but this story weaved together what I find fun about that and what I find creepy together so well…

Then the ending comes and… well, while I'd spoil the ending, I have the intention of riffing this story very soon and as such, I'd rather not spoil how sudden and anticlimactic it is. It’s both out of left field and must’ve wanted to out do the rushed job that Gearbox did on Aliens: Colonial Marines as what could look to be the most rushed thing in human history. One moment, the story’s going on and the next, it’s done. It eviscerates what’s an otherwise really well done story and if it wasn’t for how well done the rest of the story was, I’d probably put it at the 20th spot on my worst creepypastas list.

I recommend reading this story both for the really damn good first two thirds and to see how not to ever do an ending.

That texture though!

I really like this story, but it’s frustrating how one thing can hold a story back from being great. In the case of Jvk1166z.esp, it’s one little cliche that, while it handles said cliche fairly well, feels bizarrely out of place.

Jvk1166z.esp (that name is so fun to type) is a mod for The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind. On its own, it’s not so much a creepypasta (in my eyes anyways) so much as it is just weirdly fun to read. Where the “creepy” part comes in is with the character of “The Assassin”, an enemy that deals damage to you if you stand still and moves in a spider-like manner. This is in spite of it being bipedal and resembling a Eridian from Borderlands.

For the most part, Jvk isn’t too revolutionary, but is thoroughly enjoyable. Much of it revolves around the statement of “watch the sky” due to planetary and star alignments are important to advancing in the mod’s storyline (this is due to every quest giver in the game being dead). Where the story fumbles is when The Assassin is mentioned as being seen in real life and in dreams.

Now, maybe I’m just a buzzkill, but the whole, “I saw this video game enemy in real life!” creepypasta trope is woefully over done. Some stories can make it work, but far more often than not, it only brings a story down. In the case of Jvk, it doesn’t bring it down that much, but it feels ridiculously out of place. Perhaps if it there was more of a build up to this thing affecting the main character[s] in the real world, I’d let it slide, but as it is: it’s wonky at best and eye rolling at worst. Nonetheless,I believe Jvk1166z.esp warrants a reading. It works well enough that I can look past the weird inclusion of real life video game horrors. Also: this is another creepypasta that was made real, this time as a mod for Morrowind.

Amusingly enough: there's a Happy Sun Daycare in New York City that has a 1.4/5 rating when I Googled this story to get a picture and link. Got a good laugh out of me.

This story has the most unsubtle name of any story on this list. But surprisingly, Happy Sun Daycare is actually a pretty fun story.

Centering on the titular daycare, this story is about a mysterious room where misbehaving kids were sent. In this room, they were confronted with a shaggy black haired dog that chased them before they were eventually let out. I can neither confirm nor deny that this is where the bad kids went when they slept with their hands beneath the covers, but I can confirm that these stories did catch the attention of someone who years after these kids grew up decided that he should investigate the daycare.

Most of what makes this story work is its trickling of information that all leads up to an ending that personally caught me off guard. To put it bluntly: this is a fun story that I think you should absolutely read. I just hope that my endorsement doesn’t come around and bite me in the ass.

Gremlins 3 looks great!

I forgot about this story until a little while before I wrote it. Mostly because its name is similar to a story that appears later on this list. Until we get to that, we have Mr. Widemouth.
A story with the goal of unsettling the reader rather than trying to repeatedly scare them, this tale centers on a child who has mono day after his fifth birthday (which he states was attended by his parents and his parents alone). Bed ridden with a fever and three weeks away from moving, the child is visited by a little creature. Upon asking what he should call him, the creature replies with “Mr. Widemouth” because of his big smile. The child then remarks that he looks like a furby, which is in of itself truly terrifying.

The child’s adventures with Mr. Widemouth include him reading the kids books and asking him to jump out of a window down to the ground and  how to juggle with knives. Escalation in Mr. Widemouth is remarkably well handled thanks to the innocence on play from Mr. Widemouth, who never shows any intent of ill will. Rather, he treats everything with a calm and collected demeanor; always saying how fun it’d be and conceding whenever the child objects. This is something that so many creepypastas fail to do, instead opting for rage and murder. Sometimes, the best way to frighten someone is so simply be silent and unease them.

The only thing that really holds this story back from being better is that its ending isn’t the most shocking thing on the planet, though I will give it credit for handling it very well. Overall: I think Mr. Widemouth is really good. It just so happens there are other stories. Definitely give it a read though. You won’t regret it.

This is why you never skip leg day, kids.

Had Channel Zero not been canceled back in January, I would’ve died if we got a season based around the Russian Sleep Experiment.

Telling the story of Soviet experiments on five individuals who are confined to a gas chamber and are kept awake for thirty days. To do this, an airborne stimulant is repeatedly administered. At the end of the experiment, they are promised their freedom. What ensues is what I consider to be one of the most intense creepypastas out there and one that I think has rightfully earned its title as one of the best.

If there’s any complaint I have: it’s a small detail at the end of the story that feels a bit corny. It’s not something that ruins the story like Abandoned By Disney, but it definitely feels hokey when compared to the rest of the story.

Nonetheless, the Russian Sleep Experiment is a story that skillfully combines grisly imagery with psychological torment to create something that I think many professional authors try to pull off, but end up leaning too heavily on the grisly aspect. If you haven’t read and you like horror, I cannot recommend this story enough. You’re in for a massive treat.

#9: Doors

Here's a picture of a door for the creepypasta about doors. We need to go deeper and stuff.

Of every story on this list, Doors is easily the saddest.

The story is told from the point of view of a child who was adopted by a family who never got to know his birth parents. It goes on to tell us a bit about his new family until one day, some intruders break in. He goes to warn his parents, but chaos ensues and the story goes on from there.

Doors is a story that I will freely admit: I couldn’t read the entirety of due to it being the kind of story that really gets to me. It’s not your normal creepypasta as it doesn’t deal with a serial killer like Jeff, who has superpowers, nor does it deal with the paranormal, like BEN Drowned. Rather, it deals with the idea of a home invasion robbery with intent to murder. Having grown up reading plenty of crime stories and watch a plethora of crime shows, I feel that Doors captures the chaotic and incoherent nature of the incident rather well. That makes the story’s ending all the more of a gut punch, cruel, and mercilessly unforgiving.

Read it, but be warned that its ending is something that made my heart sink like an anvil in a swimming pool.

We've evolved from a door to a door knob!

My love for NoEnd House never ends.

This story centers on a man, named David, who gets a message from his drug addicted friend, named Peter, telling him not to enter a house which is nicknamed the “NoEnd House”. It’s said if you go through all 9 rooms, you will get 500 dollars. Believing his friend to have been spooked by a decoration thanks to the effects of drugs (namely heroin, which the first sentence of the story establishes that Peter is addicted to), David goes to the house and begins his journey through the house. However, he soon begins to realize that there’s more to this house than meets the eye from the outside.

Now, I want to say right off the bat that NoEnd House does have some issues, namely in its descriptives. There are instances where the story uses things akin to “I can’t begin to describe it”. Normally, that’d be a big deal breaker for me as I find it to be spineless and showcases laziness. However, NoEnd House is so ridiculously effective in every other category, from its atmosphere to its mind-fuckery, that I can let that slide without a second though. This story is wickedly creative and diabolically fun, with the progressive bizarreness of the rooms making this story something unforgettable.

The last thing I’ll say about this story is that there are two sequels. I have no intention as of now to read them as I think the story stands perfectly fine on its own, but perhaps if I ever riff it in the future, I’ll tackle the sequels. Until then: read this story. You won’t regret it.

I'll let you try and guess why this image is on the wiki page.

If I’m to be 100% honest: I don’t consider
Normal Porn for Normal People to be scary. Rather, I find it just be flat out weird and bizarre. Which, to some, may make it scary. For me however, it made the experience of reading it was more surreal than anything else.

This story centers on a nameless individual who gets an email link that says they “may like” a website called “normalpornfornormalpeople [dot] com”. From there, the narrator describes the site and the various videos on there, all of which are totally normal.

It’s difficult to really explain why I like this story so much. For all intents and purposes, it’s not something I’d normally like. It’s very mindless in the way it progresses; lacking a real story and not having any characters. It’s a series of video descriptions that merely get more and more bizarre and screwed up. Yet, for whatever reason, this story succeeds where many other stories fail. It works and has stuck with me, and I’ve never been able to put my finger on why. It wasn’t fun, it wasn’t scary, but… yeah, it worked. As such: I recommend it, but I don’t blame you if you at any point stop reading. It’s definitely not a story that’s for everyone.

Do you dare enter the cave?

Ted the Caver is so long, I’ve still not finished it. In spite of that, I’ve read enough for it to claim this spot on this list. Yes, it’s that good.

Dating all the way back to March of 2001, Ted the Caver is one of the earliest—and definitely one of the longest—instances of a “creepypasta” on the internet. Though at the time, that term wasn’t around. At least, I don’t think.

Told through a series of blogs about a man named Ted and his friend, simply referred to as “B”, exploring a cave that they dub, “Mystery Cave”. As the story goes on however, weird things begin to happen because, well, it’s a horror story.

Ted the Caver is a story that I recommend if you don’t mind a story that takes a bit to get going. I can’t vouch if it gets going quicker because, as I said, I’ve not managed to finish it (blame it on numerous contributing factors), but I’ve read the climax and it’s one of my all-time favorites. Perhaps it’s the simplicity of it, but something about it is really fun. So I guess, if nothing else, read the ending.

I like to lik the bluud.

I guess one could say Mr. Widemouth had quite a Funnymouth.

After joining a chatroom and coming across as more than a bit of a weirdo, a chatroom user by the name of lemonlimeskull decides to talk to a user by the name of “funnymouth”. What ensues is a story that, to say the absolute least, is crazy. To the say the absolute most… well, let’s just say: O)_(O

I highly recommend it and I think funnymouth would enjoy it too.

My girlfriend to me every day.

If you consider yourself a fan of creepypastas and you’ve never heard of BEN Drowned, then stop reading this and go read it.

Told via posts from someone named “Jadusable” (real name: Alex Hall)  on 4chan’s /x/ board (its paranormal board), BEN Drowned tells the story of a haunted Majora’s Mask cartridge. After purchasing said cartridge from a garage sale, Jadusable goes back home to play it when he sees a save file from someone named BEN. After deleting the file and beginning his own however, scary stuff starts to happen and the ensuing ride is one of the most well known and well crafted on the internet to date.

BEN Drowned is a pretty long story and one of the few that makes use of YouTube videos to back it up as being “real”. To the credit of Alex Hall, they add a lot of fun to the story and make it leagues more fun than it would’ve been on its own. It’s clever and I think may be the origin of many commonly used haunted video game creepypasta tropes nowadays. If I’m wrong on this, then it makes damn good use of them.

If you’ve never read this story, then I highly suggest you do so. You won’t regret it. Just please do me a favor and don’t try to add your own twist on the story.

All aboard the crazy train.

Few stories have had the effect that
Psychosis had on me.

Told from the perspective of a man who believes that there’s something wrong going on around him, Psychosis lives up to its title to a T. I’m actually hesitant to even describe anything more because everything about this story hinges on its ridiculously well told story. All I’ll say is: this story’s slower than most creepypastas, but its build up is beyond great, and its pay off is better. I genuinely have no complaints; go read this story. Now. Like, read the next two entries and then read this story.

I like the art.

Kris Straub is a genius. My evidence:
Candle Cove.

Told in a forum-style format, Candle Cove tells the story of a mysterious show from the early 70s that aired locally (the first user saying that they lived in Ironton, Ohio). From there, other users begin to piece together an image of a low budget show about pirates—all of who were puppets—and a young girl named Janice. As the story progresses, the details about the show get increasingly bizarre until the story ends on a note that made my head spin like a dreidel.

To say that Candle Cove has a reputation that’s been rightfully earned is an understatement. It’s a damn good story and it’s wickedly clever in the way it’s presented. It’s so great in fact that Happy Appy stole the format, as if that story wasn’t unoriginal enough.

Led Zeppelin's sequel song to Stairway to Heaven seems to have hit a little speed bump.

Sporting the longest title on this list, Search and Rescue Woods (also known as “I'm a Search and Rescue Officer for the US Forest Service”) is easily my all-time favorite creepypasta. Bar none.

This is the only story (to my knowledge anyways) that comes to us from Reddit and not elsewhere. Divided into a total of 8 parts, Search and Rescue Woods is told from the point of view of a forest ranger who tells us some of his strangest and most peculiar stories. Some of these include when he rescued a trapped hiker who slipped and fell after seeing a man with no face (literally), a child who was taken away by “the fuzzy man”, and numerous staircases that are seen repeatedly by both him and his coworkers.

Search and Rescue Woods can best be described as something akin to Alice in Wonderland or a really warped nightmare. What makes it work so well for me is that it isn’t an overly dramatic story, it’s a recount of bizarre events with the perfect level of buildup and a payoff that never fails to be both creepy and fun; and that’s what makes it work so well for me. It’s creepy and fun.

Something I think many horror authors fail to incorporate into their stories is an element of fun. While not everyone likes to be scared, those that do often seek out ways to be scared because they find it fun. However, many authors think that the best way to go about doing that is to generally make horror stories as grim, gritty, and all around depressing as possible. I’m not saying that we need our horror to be sunshine and unicorns, but I do think that if you can’t have any sense of enjoyment while watching—or reading—the story, then what’s the point?

I think the best example of this is a story like Clockwork: Your Time is Up. It’s a story that went all in on the “feel bad for this character; she has so many problems wrong with her”. As a result, we get the exploitation of the topic of rape in the name of drumming up sympathy for the main character (who would then go onto become a serial killer just like Jeff the Killer). Everything about the story isn’t enjoyable, it’s a story that’s bogged down by endless grimness for no other reason than edge.

That finally brings me back to this story. Search and Rescue Woods weaves together the right level of grittiness while never letting go of a sense of fun thanks to its clever and creative situations the author—Kerry Hammond—thinks of. It’s something I seldom find in creepypastas and it’s something I wish people would tap into. You don’t have to have your story be the embodiment of bleakness. You can cut loose. You can have fun.

As a bonus: here's a fantastic reading of this story by a YouTuber named Corpse Husband!

Anyways: I hope that you enjoy these stories if you decide to check them out. If you’ve read any: tell me what you thought of them. Until next time, I hope you all have a wonderful day/night and sweet dreams.

1 comment:

  1. Tyler "Bio" RodriguezFebruary 14, 2019 at 11:17 PM

    I noticed a lot of bad stories are just people badly copying elements from the stories that did work. Perhaps, you know, try something else?